Imaginary Friends Not Subject To Social Distancing Rules

social distancing, Coronavirus, humor, Modern PhilosopherThere was finally some good news from the Coronavirus Task Force today, Modern Philosophers.

After careful consideration, it has been decided that imaginary friends are not subject to social distancing rules.

“We know people are suffering from loneliness as a result of being asked to stay at home, avoid social gatherings, and maintain a safe distance from others,” Dr Anthony Fauci explained at this morning’s White House briefing.  “There has been concern that a prolonged period of isolation could have lingering negative psychological effects long after the Coronavirus has been vanquished.”

“With that in mind, and in conjunction with the CDC and a team of mental health experts, it has been recommended that Americans reconnect with the imaginary friends of their childhood, or seek out new ones.  These imaginary friends will not be subject to any of the social distancing rules currently set in place, so large gatherings are now allowed, and actually encouraged, as long as the group is made up of no more than two actual people.  You can invite as many imaginary friends as possible.”

President Trump immediately pushed Dr Fauci aside to step into the spotlight.  “This is a great thing we’re doing for the American people, maybe the greatest thing we’ve done today.  And this administration has done nothing but great things for the American people.  Even the ones who conspired to impeach me.  I just want to point out, though, that imaginary friends can not be claimed as dependents, so there will not be an additional stimulus check sent for them.”

social distancing, Coronavirus, humor, Modern Philosopher“I’ve never understood the need for imaginary friends,” Trump continued.  “I’ve always been very popular.  Had many friends.  The real kind.  In fact, I had the most friends of all my friends.  Some might say, I had the most friends ever.  Definitely the most friends for any President.”

The President rambled on about how no other country in the world, not even China or North Korea, whose leaders are dear personal friends, had come up with the idea of imaginary friends to help its people survive an extended COVID 19 lock down.

This news was met with resounding enthusiasm at The House on the Hill.  Since the quarantine started, it has been extremely difficult to keep the blog interns, the doctors in the basement bunker, and the various otherworldly beings who visit my home far enough apart to comply with social distancing rules.

And to limit the number of such visitors in the house at one time was next to impossible.  Do you really want to tell a Witch, a Gargoyle, or a Werewolf that he or she has to leave?

Imaginary friends have feelings, too!

This announcement will make my life much easier.  Seeing as how I live alone, and the kitties have yet to learn to speak, I was worried that I’d have to pick between my imaginary friends.  I didn’t want to alienate any of them, or seem like I was playing favorites.

social distancing, Coronavirus, humor, Modern PhilosopherI was afraid I’d offend them all and they’d abandoned me.

Thank you, Dr Fauci, and everyone involved in the decision to make imaginary friends exempt from the social distancing rules.

This might not save the world, but it’s definitely going to make my life easier.

Did you ever have an imaginary friend?  If so, do you plan on inviting this friend back into your life to help fight the loneliness of COVID 19 isolation?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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6 Responses to Imaginary Friends Not Subject To Social Distancing Rules

  1. beth says:

    that’s good news!

  2. markbialczak says:

    I hope that you soon tell us of a visit from Gary. I miss your old winged friend from the House on the Hill.

    • Austin says:

      Well, I have a lot more free time on my hands, so maybe I’ll head up to the roof to chat with my favorite Gargoyle. Thanks for the request. 🙂

  3. Lisa Orchard says:

    Austin, you need to run for President!!

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