Two Weeks Since I Ventured Out Into Civilization

social distancing, humor, Modern PhilosopherIt’s been two weeks since my harrowing adventure to the grocery store, Modern Philosophers, and I just thought I’d check on how civilization has been doing since I last went out for a visit.

Sure, I’ve been out for runs and walks, but I never wander too far from The House on the Hill’s protective shields.  If another person gets within twenty feet, the shields sound the alarm and I move in the other direction.

Two weeks ago, I was right out there in the thick of things.  There were other humans in close proximity.  So much was riding on my ability to get the supplies I needed and race  back to safety.  The stay at home order was still very new, and being outside in public seemed very taboo.  And scary.

Basically, I had no interest in the world outside The House on the Hill, and the outside world has never shown much interest in me.

So I’ve kept my distance and observed civilization from the comfort and safety of my living room couch as I surf the internet, watch television, and look out my window.

I learned very early on to stop watching the news.  It was just too depressing, too stressful, and very frustrating.  I turned my attention to lighter programming.  I got my news from late night monologues, watched a lot of old baseball games (which made me feel like I had psychic powers since I could predict what was going to happen), and then found two communities that I could study without feeling any anxiety.

Gilmore Girls, social distancing, humor, Modern PhilosopherOne was a quirky small town in Connecticut called Stars Hollow, and the other a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.  Both states have been hit by COVID 19, but these communities were handling it very well.

The paper company documentary helped me to remember what life was like back at the office.  I’ve missed my colleagues, the every day hustle and bustle, interacting with people, and feeling a sense of accomplishment from having done something with my life.  That cool paycheck they gave me was nice, too.

The show about the people in Stars Hollow reminded me why I moved to Maine.  I had spent my whole life living in two of the larges cities in the country, and I wanted a helping of the slower paced All-American life.  Sure, the folks in my town aren’t as unique and oddball as the ones in Star Hollow, but from what I remember, in the days before I was confined to my home, life in Maine was very laid back and relaxing.

What the show in Connecticut really taught me, though, was that life would be much easier if I had wealthy parents or grandparents.  I wish I’d had the foresight to arrange for that.

From what I’ve been able to tell from the brief glimpses of the outside world provided from my travels on the internet, I’m not missing much by avoiding civilization.

Trump, social distancing, humor, Modern PhilosopherIt’s still a very scary place out there, and I’m not just talking about the killer virus.  Our President appears to be even more unhinged than usual.

I didn’t realize that the Nielsen Ratings tracked Presidential news conference, nor did I think past Presidents ever cared more about their public perception or well being, than the well being of the nation.

And what’s the deal with people ignoring the basic rules of social distancing to march in protest of being asked to stay home to save lives?  Why are they wasting all that material on banners, when they could be using it to make masks for healthcare professionals?  And who doesn’t know that you don’t bring automatic weapons to a viral pandemic fight?

I’m worried that the world’s IQ has been detrimentally affected by the Coronavirus.  Has anyone run a test to see if that’s one of the symptoms?

It’s been two weeks since I’ve ventured out into civilization, and based on what I’ve discovered, I think it’s going to be at least two more.

Hell, at this rate, I might be organizing a protest from The House on the Hill if they lift the stay at home order, and say it’s safe to go back out into the world.

Unless someone can guarantee me safe transport to Stars Hollow, I think I’m going to stay right here in my living room where I am in control of the chaos.

social distancing, humor, Modern PhilosopherI might even start my own paper company.

Someone left one of the key ingredients for paper neatly cut and stacked just across the street from The House on the Hill.

I think that’s a sign…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Two Weeks Since I Ventured Out Into Civilization

  1. charlypriest says:

    You´re lucky with only two weeks. At this time in Spain I don´t even know how to talk to humans. I only know how to talk to myself and even then is badly worded.

  2. Bryntin says:

    Ha, it’s been just me, Mrs B and the dog at home here for around four weeks now and I’m about the same as you, not particularly bothered for the hustle and bustle of ‘normal’ to come back! Sadly it’s that pesky economics thing that’s the spanner in the works really.

  3. markbialczak says:

    We need the big minds to solve all sorts of problems for the common good, Austin.

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