Slightly Loosening The Straps On My Straitjacket

socially awkward, anxiety, humor, Modern PhilosopherWe all know I’m a quirky introvert with tons of anxieties, Modern Philosophers.  This Coronavirus pandemic has only put more of an accent on the “quirky”, “introvert” and “anxieties” syllables of my personality.

It was hard enough getting me to leave The House on the Hill to socialize, and now that there’s a killer virus out there looking for victims, it’s pretty much impossible.

The only way I come close to being social is by putting the “social” in “socially awkward”.

Last night, for example, my work peeps were having a properly socially distanced gathering to say goodbye to someone who is leaving.  Part of me wanted to go because I really like my work family, and if I’m going to feel comfortable around any group, it’s the people with whom I spend eight hours a day, Monday through Friday.

But I just couldn’t get over all the little anxieties and red flags that keep me safely tucked away behind the front door of The House on the Hill.

In my defense, I did truly consider attending, to the point that I even asked someone for directions to the location where the gathering was being held.

Driving someplace new for the first time is a major anxiety, but I already had some idea where I was going because I pass the street every day on my way to and from work.

But once I got home, the couch turned on its tractor beam and I was trapped.  It was hot, I was exhausted from work, and being social sounded too challenging.

In addition, Danny called to discuss plans for the upcoming season of The Nite Show, and that way much more up my alley.  Unleashing my creative side always puts me at ease, especially when I can do it from the safety of my couch.

The Nite Show, socially awkward, anxiety, humor, Modern PhilosopherSide note: The Nite Show can go back to the studio for the upcoming TV season!!!

Of course, there will be many challenges to comply with social distancing guidelines, and this will lead to anxieties being poked and prodded, but I am up for it.

As always, I am at my most confident when I am in my writer’s persona, so I know I can be comfortable on set.  I’m totally in my element there, and I know I will thrive.

Despite last night’s latest example of Austin being introverted Austin, I did loosen the straps on my straitjacket ever so slightly today.

I unexpectedly got off work early today, and it’s been a long, stressful week.  The Yankees are playing the Red Sox tonight, and I am so looking forward to just relaxing on the couch and watching the game.

I’d normally swing by the store for chicken wings or other assorted baseball snacks, but I stopped doing that once the pandemic caused me to divert to a super paranoid lock down mentality.  No unscheduled trips to the store.  No eating out.  No going anywhere outside of my two approved destinations: work and home.

socially awkward, anxiety, humor, Modern PhilosopherBut my inner rebel took the wheel and drove Ravioli, II straight to the grocery store after work.  There I picked up some much needed comfort food.

And I didn’t even freak out while making the unscheduled stop at a heavily populated pandemic vector.  I was too busy trying to decide what flavor of ice cream paired best with my stressful week.

I know that might not seem like much, but it’s a big step for me.  I have been so ridiculously rigid with my social distancing protocols that I blow a gasket if my shadow gets too close.

I don’t want to feel most comfortable when I’m locked away inside my basement bunker, where the rest of the world can’t get to me.  I know I’ll never be a social butterfly, but I wouldn’t mind being an outgoing caterpillar who spends some time outside his cocoon.

I will celebrate my little victory tonight as I enjoy the game.  Every journey has to begin with that first step, and you need to keep in mind that it’s very difficult to move around in this straitjacket…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Slightly Loosening The Straps On My Straitjacket

  1. beth says:

    that’s great, you took the first steps and they are often the hardest to take –

  2. markbialczak says:

    Little safe steps will make you happier, I agree, Austin.

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