CDC Adds Sunday Joyride to Approved Coronavirus Treatments

Coronavirus, Trump, CDC, humor, Modern PhilosopherModern Philosophers, are you tired of waiting around for a Coronavirus vaccine? Are you sick of wearing a mask? Are you done letting the Coronavirus dominate you?

Well, there might finally be some good news for you.

According to the White House, the CDC has officially added “Sunday Joyride” to the list of approved treatments for COVID-19.

Keep in mind that anything coming out of the White House needs to be taken with a grain of salt, especially when it comes to President Trump’s pet project, Coronavirus.

This announcement came in the form of a typed statement, on CDC letterhead, that was emailed to the Press Corps by the White House.

Normally, such important news would be sent out into the world via a press conference that would eventually be hijacked by the President and turned into a rambling, de facto pep/campaign rally.  However, there’s no one healthy enough in the White House to lead a press conference these days.  Plus, no reporter is insane enough to enter the White House for any reason…even if wearing a full HazMat suit.

White House, Trump, CDC, humor, Modern PhilosopherIt was a short statement, that was even shorter on facts. 

It did, however, use a sentence to clarify that the joyride did not actually have to be taken on a Sunday, but was given that title to honor President Trump’s heroic drive around Walter Reed Hospital to greet his supporters during his “recent COVID scare”.

While everything about the announcement seemed fishy, what made members of the Press Corps most suspicious was that the seven-three word press release was signed “The Doctor in Charge of The CDC”.

Apparently, whoever has been left in charge of The White House Propaganda Office during the building’s Coronavirus outbreak was too weak/lazy to Google the name of the person who runs the agency heading up the fight against the pandemic.

No one at the CDC could be reached for comment.  Well, to be completely honest, someone did answer the phone when I called to ask about the announcement, but he never identified himself, and just laughed hysterically at my question before finally hanging up on me.  And, truth be told, I did think I heard a slight bit of crying mixed in with the laughter.

COVID, Trump, CDC, humor, Modern PhilosopherOne White House source, who refused to go on the record, pointed out that President Trump learned a lot about the Coronavirus during his recent hospitalization, and really believes that the drugs he’s taken to fight the virus have given him superpowers to fight the pandemic.

Take a moment to absorb all that.

In totally unrelated news, don’t forgot that Election Day is on November 3…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to CDC Adds Sunday Joyride to Approved Coronavirus Treatments

  1. Kate Lester says:

    Does Medicare cover the cost of the ride in Marine 1?

  2. markbialczak says:

    And most of us don’t even need the company of bodyguards, Austin, just masks in hand should we enter anybody’s space bubble.

  3. November 3rd can’t come fast enough for me.

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