All Tricks, No Treats

Flash fiction, short story, Halloween, Modern Philosopher“It’s less than two weeks until Halloween, and I couldn’t help but notice that you had no decorations out on your porch,” Holly commented from the bench on her side of the running path as she sipped her coffee.

“That struck me as odd since Halloween is your favorite holiday.  In fact, I’d say I’m way more in the Halloween Spirit than you.”

To emphasize her point, she motioned to her mask, which was adorned with Jack and Sally from A Nightmare Christmas.

Aaron sighed and nodded sheepishly.

“I’m not doing Halloween this year,” he announced from his side of the path.  “2020 has already been frightening enough that I don’t need to add to it by turning my porch into something out of a horror flick.”

Holly nodded in understanding.

“Besides, there’s no way you’re going to top the scariest haunted house in the country this year,” she informed him.  “The White House has that honor locked up.”

Aaron chuckled, sipped his Snapple, then returned his Yankees mask to its rightful place over his mouth and nose.

Flash fiction, short story, Halloween, Modern Philosopher“Hope no one tries to trick or treat there,” he replied.  “All they’re giving out is King Size Coronavirus!”

“So does no Halloween mean you’re not even going to pass out candy?” she asked with a tinge of sadness in her query.

“Doesn’t seem like the safest time to be taking candy from strangers, or to be opening my door to strangers who come calling in the night,” he answered.

“But they are wearing masks,” she added hopefully.

“Not if Trump and his Covid cult members have their way,” he countered with his famous snark.  “They’ll be out on the street, armed to the teeth, screaming at the poor kids that they’re sheep for wearing masks.”

“All while they’re wearing their Klan hoods,” she grumbled.  “What a bunch of dimwitted hypocrites.”

Aaron nodded his assent and took another slug of Snapple.

Flash fiction, short story, Halloween, Modern Philosopher“Trust me, I’m not happy about reining in my inner Skeleton King this year, but it just doesn’t seem right to celebrate the holiday when our government is already overrun by ghouls and goblins,” he admitted.  “The world is scary enough right now, and adding free candy to the mix is only going to give everyone a wild sugar high that makes them feel as invincible as the President on his Coronavirus steroids.”

“I think you have convinced me to follow your lead,” Holly surrendered to her best friend’s logic.  “I still might buy a bag of candy and eat it myself, though.”

“Oh, I’m totally going to do that,” Aaron agreed.  “In fact, I’m going to buy the usual six or seven bags, and just slowly empty them as I watch horror movies alone in the dark.”

“And by horror movies, do you mean the news channels along with all the political attack ads that will run during the commercial breaks?” she asked with a smile.

“You get me,” Aaron answered with a wink.  “This is why we’re best friends.  I’d invite you over so we could suffer through the agony of it all together, but Covid is totally going to be on the prowl for people stupid enough to gather in groups on Halloween.”

“Don’t lie,” she scolded him from her side of the path.  “The real reason you’re not inviting me is because you don’t want to share your candy!”

Flash fiction, short story, Halloween, Modern Philosopher“No one knows me better than you,” Aaron complimented her with a sly grin, which she was able to see because he had pulled down his mask for her benefit.  “I just hope that the Tuesday after Halloween isn’t an even scarier holiday.  If everything goes as planned that day, maybe the most horrific four years in history will come to a merciful end.”

“And then we can celebrate and put up decorations?” she asked hopefully.

“I guess that all depends on how President Elect Biden handles the pandemic,” he replied and then said a silent prayer that help was on the way…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to All Tricks, No Treats

  1. beth says:

    fingers crossed and celebratory costume on!

  2. markbialczak says:

    May this great episodic tale continue, Austin.

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