President Elect Biden Names Santa Claus Postmaster General

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, Modern Philosophers.

Today, President Elect Joe Biden added to the overall Ho Ho Ho vibe in the country by asking Santa Claus to serve as his Postmaster General.

“It was an easy choice,” Biden explained at the press conference where he made the announcement.  “Who better to get the United States Post Office running at its peak again, than the man who makes millions of deliveries around the world in the course of one night?  And he’s willing to do it for an annual salary paid in milk and cookies.”

The news was met with a sigh of relief by Americans, who had become used to basic services being taken away from them over the past four years.

The President Elect promised that under his new Postmaster General, the Post Office would return to normal.  Mail boxes will be returned to their rightful place on our streets, mail would be delivered without delay, and the plan for all US Postage stamps to bear the image of Donald Trump will be scrapped.

In fact, if Santa Claus has his way, the Post Office will issue Christmas stamps all year long, and not just during the holiday season.

“Who doesn’t love Christmas stamps?” Santa asked as he talked to me via Zoom from the North Pole.

This Modern Philosopher definitely agrees with that sentiment.  One of my favorite things about Christmas is seeing all the colorful holiday stamps gracing the envelopes of the Christmas cards that arrive at The House on the Hill.

I was totally surprised, however, when Santa told me when he planned to begin at his new position.

“I’d like to begin immediately to be honest,” he explained, “but I know I have to wait for President Scrooge to vacate the White House before I can officially start.  So much damage was done to the Post Office in the last few months.  Do you know that I’ve only received about a tenth of the letters I would normally get from American children this Christmas?  I don’t suppose Trump took that into consideration when he sabotaged the Post Office in an attempt to stop absentee ballots from being delivered!”

According to Old St. Nick, The North Pole IT Department had to scramble to set up a special email system so that kiddos could get their letters to him electronically.

When I questioned whether Santa would be too busy with Christmas to take on the demanding role of Postmaster General right now, he laughed heartily.  And his ample belly shook like a bowl of jelly.

“This has actually been my easiest Christmas in decades,” he confessed.  “There were two main requests this year: A Coronavirus vaccine and a new President for the United States.  Both of those are very much under control, so I’ve got some free time on my hands.”

Has Santa Claus volunteered to help distribute the vaccine once it’s ready?

“Let’s just say the Postmaster General’s sleigh won’t be put into storage this year after Christmas morning,” replied with a wink and a knowing smile.

Sounds like the Christmas classic “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” will take an a whole new meaning under the Biden Administration…