Talk My Ear Off, Win My Heart

relationships, dating, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe other day, someone asked what I was looking for in a relationship, Modern Philosophers.

That’s an intriguing question, that I could have spent hours answering, but I had a sense my friend was looking for something cut and dry.

Without further hesitation, I replied that I wanted to find someone with whom I could get lost in a conversation for hours.

Thinking back on the important relationships in my life, there was always a solid foundation of witty banter and stimulating conversation that made me lose track of time.

When I started dating J, it was all about long, late night talks down in the dorm’s TV room or even in the empty hallway once everyone else had the sense to go to bed.

The first time we kissed was after one such night spent in the TV room, watching movies and just talking about anything that allowed me to spend even more time with her.

Sure, we’d eventually grow apart and get divorced, but it’s no coincidence that by that point, the lengthy conversations had long since ended.

Rachel, aka The Girl Who Moved Away, aka The Girl Who Made Me Start This Blog, was an amazing conversationalist.  My very first memory of any kind of connection between us started with her approaching me in the kitchen at work and asking, “What kind of idiot goes for a walk to get lunch in a blizzard?”  She asked this as I stomped snow off my boots and rested my Subway sandwich on the counter.

relationships, dating, humor, Modern PhilosopherShe then followed me into my office, where I tried to eat my lunch, while she demanded that I tell her all about this movie she’d heard I’d written about my love life.  I’ll never forget the way she made herself at home by putting her feet up on my desk, and grilling me with questions like the most beautiful detective I’d ever met.

As our relationship grew, she’d spend more time sitting on my desk and talking.  Maybe she didn’t have the best work ethic, but she excelled at piquing my interest and keeping the conversation flowing.  We’d spend many a night talking on the phone, while we were both in bed, because even though we were apart, we just wanted to keep talking.

The Sweet Irish Girl was also skilled at the art of conversation.  When you’re divided by an ocean, it’s important to be able to communicate.  But it was the accent that had me hooked.  I could listen to her talk for hours, and never get bored.  There was something about that accent that made my heart beat faster, and I get giddy if I turn on a TV show and a character has a brogue.

What I most miss about my most recent relationship that didn’t quite have the legs to survive, was the long phone conversations.  I’ve never talked to anyone on the phone as long as we would.  We’d go for hours at a time, and I’d never grow bored, or try to wrap things up to get off the phone.

relationships, dating, humor, Modern PhilosopherWe didn’t always see eye to eye, which is probably why things didn’t work out, but when we clicked and got on a conversational hot streak, I’ve never felt more in tune with another person.

I genuinely miss those long hours spent on the phone with all the laughing, the letting down of our guards, and challenging each other’s wit and wisdom.

So, yeah, if I could pick one trait I’d want in a potential mate, it would be the ability to engage in stimulating conversation that not only made me lose track of time, but also made me forget there was anyone else in the world but her…

What’s the one trait you really seek in a mate?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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9 Responses to Talk My Ear Off, Win My Heart

  1. beth says:

    someone who will always be there for me

  2. Glenda says:

    When I first met my husband of 38 years, I wasn’t especially attracted to him physically. What got me and has kept me is that he always makes me laugh. Even when I’m feeling physically ill or down in the dumps, he always gets me to smile. I’ve always wondered what it is in me that has kept him around for so long…?

  3. Laughter and affection. To know someone cares is really important, especially for someone who has self confidence issues.

  4. markbialczak says:

    Yes, good conversations make the world go round with two people at the center, Austin. My dear wife Karen and I were recently recounting a St. Patrick’s Day at the start of our friendship when we took chairs away from the rest of the group of our friends in a downtown Syracuse bar. We happened to be right near the doorway, and we were there so long that people arriving stared trying to give us money, thinking we were collecting a cover charge! That makes us laugh still.

  5. Pingback: The week gone by — Feb. 21 – A Silly Place

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