That’s an intriguing question, that I could have spent hours answering, but I had a sense my friend was looking for something cut and dry.
Without further hesitation, I replied that I wanted to find someone with whom I could get lost in a conversation for hours.
Thinking back on the important relationships in my life, there was always a solid foundation of witty banter and stimulating conversation that made me lose track of time.
When I started dating J, it was all about long, late night talks down in the dorm’s TV room or even in the empty hallway once everyone else had the sense to go to bed.
The first time we kissed was after one such night spent in the TV room, watching movies and just talking about anything that allowed me to spend even more time with her.
Sure, we’d eventually grow apart and get divorced, but it’s no coincidence that by that point, the lengthy conversations had long since ended.
Rachel, aka The Girl Who Moved Away, aka The Girl Who Made Me Start This Blog, was an amazing conversationalist. My very first memory of any kind of connection between us started with her approaching me in the kitchen at work and asking, “What kind of idiot goes for a walk to get lunch in a blizzard?” She asked this as I stomped snow off my boots and rested my Subway sandwich on the counter.
She then followed me into my office, where I tried to eat my lunch, while she demanded that I tell her all about this movie she’d heard I’d written about my love life. I’ll never forget the way she made herself at home by putting her feet up on my desk, and grilling me with questions like the most beautiful detective I’d ever met.
As our relationship grew, she’d spend more time sitting on my desk and talking. Maybe she didn’t have the best work ethic, but she excelled at piquing my interest and keeping the conversation flowing. We’d spend many a night talking on the phone, while we were both in bed, because even though we were apart, we just wanted to keep talking.
The Sweet Irish Girl was also skilled at the art of conversation. When you’re divided by an ocean, it’s important to be able to communicate. But it was the accent that had me hooked. I could listen to her talk for hours, and never get bored. There was something about that accent that made my heart beat faster, and I get giddy if I turn on a TV show and a character has a brogue.
What I most miss about my most recent relationship that didn’t quite have the legs to survive, was the long phone conversations. I’ve never talked to anyone on the phone as long as we would. We’d go for hours at a time, and I’d never grow bored, or try to wrap things up to get off the phone.
I genuinely miss those long hours spent on the phone with all the laughing, the letting down of our guards, and challenging each other’s wit and wisdom.
So, yeah, if I could pick one trait I’d want in a potential mate, it would be the ability to engage in stimulating conversation that not only made me lose track of time, but also made me forget there was anyone else in the world but her…
What’s the one trait you really seek in a mate?