Smashing Icicles Rejuvenates The Soul

humor, Maine, Modern PhilosopherIf I were ever to write a Self Help book, Modern Philosophers, it would borrow the title of this blog post.

As I discovered after work today, smashing icicles really does rejuvenate the soul.

You can simply trust me on that, or you can go outside right now and test that theory for yourself.  It’s okay.  I’ll wait.

If you’re lucky enough to live somewhere devoid of icicles, I will go into details in this post so that you can experience the thrill vicariously through me.

It started as it often does: with a long day at work.  A long day at work has sadly become the “Once upon a time…” of my life lately.

As I was opening the garage door so I could park the RAV-4, I noticed the enormous and ominous icicles hanging from the garage roof.

Full disclosure, I was so lost in my stress thoughts from my day that I “noticed” the icicles when one of them dripped a little something onto the top of my head.

When I looked up to discover the source of the wet on my skull I was…

A) Thrilled to find it wasn’t a bird with overact bowels.

B) Reminded of the Mom’s line from “A Christmas Story” about taking his eye out.

Those bad boys were long, maybe a good three feet.  And there were about a half dozen.  I didn’t want them falling onto the car, driving through the hood, and impaling my engine.  I imagine that would not reflect favorably on me when my lease expired.

So I did the logical thing.  I parked the car, grabbed the rake from the garage, and swung that poor man’s pitchfork like a Devil with a soul to claim.

And damn did it feel good!  After the day I had, it felt amazing.  Here is the aftermath.  Unfortunately, I didn’t think to take a pic until after I had stomped on the shattered remains, and kicked them across the driveway.  Don’t judge.  I had a day…

I definitely needed that little act of non-harmful violence to work out the kinks from the day.  They would have melted eventually, and probably done no damage whatsoever, but what fun would that have been?

Sometimes, you have to grab the rake by the handle, and create your own catharsis!

Remember, it’s how the day ends that’s important.  Now that I’ve smashed icicles and unleashed my bottled up rage against Snow Miser, I think I’m in for a relaxing night.

Of course, I don’t think I’ll ever have it as bad as poor David, who could not figure out how to make the headset work on his phone.

Ewww, David!

Have a great weekend!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Smashing Icicles Rejuvenates The Soul

  1. Pingback: Smashing Icicles Rejuvenates The Soul — The Return of the Modern Philosopher | barclaydave

  2. jilldennison says:

    If I tried to smash my icicles, I’d likely break every window in the house, for 90% of them hang directly over the windows. But, they all melted on Wednesday when the temps actually managed to get above freezing and the sun found it’s way out from behind the clouds.

  3. markbialczak says:

    Yes, I am the designated icicle remover at our house, Austin. It does feel good removing those dangerous ice picks from our back roof! I don’t want them falling in a pattern and pinning in our cherished rescue mutt when she’s out there doing her thing … When I knock down the long ones, I always remember to initiate the poke-and-dodge as to avoid the cascade of cold stuff.

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