You Remind Me Of A Sea Captain

short story, humor, Modern Philosopher“Since when do you embrace change?” Holly asked from her bench on her side of the path along the river.

Aaron almost did a spit take with his Snapple, but managed to swallow what was in his mouth, and then return his mask to the ready position, before he replied.

“Who the hell told you that?” he demanded angrily.  “I want a name right now, so I can sue that bastard for defamation of character.  I’ll take everything he owns, and make him rue the day he spread the falsehood that I was cool with change!”

Holly signaled for her best friend to take it down several notches.

“No one is spreading crazy rumors,” she assured him.  “I just saw that you tweeted a couple of things about yard sales yesterday, and you’ve never liked going to yard sales.”

Aaron sighed and shot her an icy glare.  He took another sip of Snapple to settle his nerves, and then he finally responded.

“You got me all worked up over a couple of tweets?” he asked with some serious indignation thrown in for flavor.  “This is Sunday.  My day of rest.  You can’t be putting me in a litigious mood over nothing.”

He shook his head at her to punctuate his scolding.

short story, humor, Modern PhilosopherFor her part, Holly looked confused, even with a mask covering half her face.

“Then why are you tweeting about stuff you bought at a yard sale?” she countered.

Aaron mumbled something under his breath, then took out his phone, and scrolled through Twitter to see exactly what had caught his best friend’s attention.

“So are you referring to this tweet about how yard sales in Canada are called meter sales because of the metric system?”

He held up his phone to show her the tweet, but it wasn’t like she could see the screen from her socially distanced perch on her bench.

“Yes, that was one of them,” she confirmed.

Aaron rolled his eyes.  “That’s a joke.  A very witty one at that.  You know I’m a writer, correct?  I create little bon mots to give the internet a chuckle.”

“I love you, Holly, but please don’t tell me you aren’t one of those knuckleheads who believes something is true just because she sees it on the internet.”

short story, humor, Modern PhilosopherHolly wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so she took a long sip of her coffee while she gave it some thought.  Truth be told, she was seriously embarrassed, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

“Of course I don’t believe everything,” she replied maybe a little too defensively.  “I was just happy to think that you had gotten out of that big, empty house, overcome your fear of the pandemic, and done something social.”

“When I miraculously overcome my severe social anxiety and fear of the pandemic, the first place I’m going is to a stranger’s yard to poke around in their garbage for a bargain!”

Aaron chuckled and shot her a dubious look across the path.

“I think yard sales are fun,” she mumbled.

Aaron’s attention was on his phone.  He finally found what he was looking for and actually laughed out loud.

“The mirror tweet,” he laughed.  “This is the one that made you think that I not only went to a yard sale, but that I also spent my hard earned money on a painting of a sea captain?”

Holly hung her head in shame.

“Not my best day,” she admitted.  “Please continue to be my friend.”

“I’m really going to have to give that some serious thought,” he quipped.

But they both knew they’d always be best friends…0

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to You Remind Me Of A Sea Captain

  1. markbialczak says:

    I hope Sebastian lets Aaron back out soon, Austin!

  2. kristianw84 says:

    Haha! I loved that Tweet!! And I’m sorry I didn’t catch your error, but I’m glad it’s fixed now! 🙂

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