CDC Offers Free Longer Life Expectancy To Anyone Who Gets COVID Vaccine

Coronavirus, vaccine, humor, Modern PhilosopherAccording to recent research, there is still a large percentage of Americans who refuse to get vaccinated against the Coronavirus, Modern Philosophers.

While their reasons for not getting the shot may vary, they are united in the being the reason that the country might not be able to reach herd immunity status against a pandemic that has killed over half a million fellow Americans.

The powers that be have offered everything from free rides to massive vaccination sites, to free ice cream and donuts to anyone willing to get the shot.

Some bars are offering free shots of alcohol to patrons who get a shot of the vaccine while in the establishment.  Hopefully, the same person is not administering both shots.

But the holdouts persist.

That’s why the CDC today has decided to up the ante and sweeten the offer to those people who still won’t get vaccinated.

Coronavirus, vaccine, humor, Modern Philosopher“The CDC is offering FREE longer life expectancy to anyone who gets vaccinated against the Coronavirus,” stated the official announcement.  “This offer is effective immediately, but is only valid if the person gets both shots of the two shot vaccines.  Failure to come back for the second shot invalidates the offer, and might also lower your life expectancy.”

As one might expect during these trying times, Republican lawmakers were up in arms over the offer, and demanded the CDC retract it immediately.

“The CDC cannot play God like this and promise to give a person extended life if they compromise their freedoms and get a vaccination they don’t want!” exclaimed that one Republican who is always in the news for being annoying.

“President Biden cannot force his socialist agenda on the American people by offering them free healthcare when they are perfectly fine with fighting this hoax of a pandemic by exercising their right to not be tricked into getting a shot and having to wear a mask!” shouted yet another Republican who enjoys inciting disharmony among Americans.

Coronavirus, vaccine, humor, Modern PhilosopherFor their part, the Democrats did not take the bait.  Instead, they quietly went back to work trying to piece together the country after four years of Republican stewardship.

Anyone interested in taking up the CDC on its offer of a longer life expectancy can stop by any number of vaccination sites for a free inoculation.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to CDC Offers Free Longer Life Expectancy To Anyone Who Gets COVID Vaccine

  1. markbialczak says:

    Those of you who have not, please do.

  2. The Hook says:

    Anti-vaxxers and scaredy cats are a cowardly and superstitious lot, and not easily persuaded to do the right thing.

    Here in Ontario, we have Premier Doug Ford who came out of hiding for a week to tell us variants are on the rise, variants that may soon be resistant to any vaccines.
    The man went from ignoring his health experts to proclaiming us all doomed.
    What a wonderful age we’re living in…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s