The Thoughtlessness Of Grass

A friend asked what I was doing this weekend, Modern Philosophers, and I rambled off a few random, but relaxing things.

Then I added that since the grass refuses to stop growing, I really should mow the lawn.

That got me thinking about the thoughtlessness of grass.

grass, humor, Modern Philosopher

Grass doesn’t really care how busy and stressful your week was, how freakishly hot it was, or how all you want to do is abandon all responsibility and just be a lazy dolt all weekend.

No, grass continues to grow.

It can’t stop being so ambitious, and refuses to cease showing off.

Grass insists on being all lush and green, while also blackmailing you into caring for it.  Because grass somehow knows that if you ignore it, your neighbors will get all judgmental and refer to your house as the abandoned one that’s driving down property values.

So even though you hate pulling the cord on the lawnmower, you know you’re going to do it this weekend.

Because grass could care less if you’re exhausted and don’t even want to go outside and face the world.  Grass doesn’t care that there are people out there.  In fact, grass loves all the attention it gets from people.

It wants you out there tending to it because its ego is huge and constantly needs stroking.

And it wouldn’t mind a good raking as well.

Grass gets off on the fact that you have to spend time with it, fuss over it, and make sure it looks good all the time.

If grass were a person, you’d call it high maintenance behind its back.

humor, life, Modern Philosopher

The grass is always greener when you mow it, but if you ignore it, it purposely goes all brown and yellow on you to make your neighbors think you allow dogs to use it as a rest stop.

Grass will shame you into catering to its every whim.

You could ignore the grass, or take it to the extreme and pave over your lawn, but doing that turns you into the neighborhood eccentric, which only brings more attention that you don’t want or need.

As a result, you mow the lawn just so that you can be left alone.  You don’t have to like it, but you do it because the grass always wins.

Its thoughtlessness gives it an advantage that no human can every overcome.

I’m really not sure what I’m doing this weekend, now that I think of it.  Other than mowing the damn lawn…



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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4 Responses to The Thoughtlessness Of Grass

  1. beth says:

    grass is so bossy

  2. markbialczak says:

    My lawn can be my weekend master if I let it, for sure, Austin, but I try not to let it become a swear phrase.

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