Someone was talking to me about a relationship issue the other day. I wasn’t really listening, but then he put me on the spot by saying, “I bet you don’t miss being married”.
I didn’t like that he simply assumed he knew how I felt about the topic, but I desperately wanted to escape the conversation, so I told him I did not miss it at all.
Of course, I’ve spent too much time over the last couple of days thinking about my answer.
After all, that’s what a Modern Philosopher does.
In retrospect, I’d like to clarify my response.
No, I do not miss being married to J. Yes, when we first got divorced all those centuries ago, I missed her terribly. I wanted to be married. I had no idea how to be single. We’d met in college and were together for eighteen years. We had become one unit, and I didn’t remember how to exist on my own.
This occurs when I’m lonely, but not every time I’m lonely. Just sometimes. I mean, I’ve gotten used to being by myself, but there are occasions when a little company would be nice.
For example, I’m just back from a walk along the river. As I was fighting to remain upright against the unrelenting Maine wind, I thought it would be nice to have a hand to hold on these walks.
I most often miss being married when I’m stressed. That’s when I wish there was someone around to lighten the load, to talk me down, to assure me all is going to be well, or to simply listen to me vent.
I’ll frequently wish I was married when I run into money problems. Nothing beats having a second paycheck to pay those damn bills.
I’ve wished I was married when I had a big decision to make like what to do about a vehicle when Zombie Car finally died, or if it was the right time to invest in new windows for The House on the Hill.
I’ve never been good at making big time decisions, and I’d much rather be a party of two at such times. Sometimes, it’s just reassuring to have another opinion or someone to back up mine.
Despite my best efforts, I’m not getting any younger. From time to time, I have little meltdowns when I think about the future. I don’t want to be old and alone. I don’t want to keep spending holidays by myself. I’d like to hear someone say, “I love you, Austin” once in a while.
I know some of you will say that I don’t need to get married to have all those things I miss. It’s not like I’m not trying to date. I’ve simply been horribly unsuccessful.
Anytime I meet someone who intrigues me, she inevitably turns out to be unavailable. With my well documented social awkwardness, it’s difficult to meet people.
For those of you who’ll suggest that I ask out Holly, you need to realize that Holly isn’t real. She isn’t a thinly veiled version of a woman in my life. She is simply a figment of my imagination.
Trust me, if Holly were real, I would have done something to frighten her off by now.
In conclusion, sometime I miss being married. So if you’re itching to propose, now might be the perfect opportunity…