Off Beat in the Rain

The rain had stopped, but the best friends had to wipe off their favorite bench before they could sit down and stare out at the river.

Aaron sipped his Snapple while Holly took a long pull on her coffee.  He loved the rain, so he didn’t mind sitting in its aftermath.  She wasn’t as big of a fan, but she’d never miss out on their Sunday chat.

“I saw you dared to undertake a Homeowner’s Biathlon in the rain this morning,” Holly commented once she had enough coffee in her system.  “For those viewers unfamiliar with what that is, why don’t you enlighten us?”

Aaron chuckled.  He loved it when Holly played color commentator and pretended that their actions were being followed by an audience all over the world.

short story, humor, Modern Philosopher“I’d be happy to, Holly,” he beamed in reply.  “The Homeowner’s Biathlon (patent pending) is a sporting event created by me, participated in only by me, and existing solely to make mundane weekend tasks seem more exciting.”

“Golly gee, Aaron, that does sound exciting,” Holly quipped.  “Tell us more!”

“The name gives away the fact that there are two events involved,” he explained.  “In the warmer months, it’s a run followed by mowing the lawn.  In the longer, darker, colder months, it’s a run followed by shoveling snow.  Essentially, I’m already sweaty from my run, so I double down and do the mundane task.  It seems a little more fun because I keep my fitness tracker running to get a time and step count for the activities.”

Holly nodded.  “Well, I’m not seeing any snow, and your front lawn is once again overrun with dandelions, so I’m going to guess today was a run and mow.  Is that correct?”

“Right you are, Holly,” he concurred.

“So how did it go?” she questioned.  “I’m no lawn care expert, as you well know from the status of my front lawn, but if I had to guess, I’d say mowing in the rain isn’t ideal.”

“It is not!” Aaron agreed.  “Only a moron would attempt to mow his lawn during a storm.”

“So I guess the question on everyone’s mind, Aaron is: Why?  Why get out there in the rain and make a miserable task even more so?”

best friends, relationships, Modern Philosopher“That’s why they pay you the big bucks, Holly.  You ask the tough questions!”

He chuckled to deflect from how flustered he was by being put on the spot by the question.

“I guess the reason I did it is because I’m a rebel,” he finally shared.  “I don’t give a damn if wet grass is going to clog up the blades on my mower.  I just wanted to have a relaxing Sunday, and there was no way I could do that with an uncut lawn mocking me from just beyond my front porch.  And no one ever became a legend by playing it safe.  Are you feeling me?”

“I think I speak for America, no, the world, when I say we all feel you.  We wish we could be you.  And you are our hero,” Holly remarked with a straight face.

Aaron hummed a few bars of Foo Fighters’ My Hero for dramatic effect.

“How did it all turn out in the end?” she followed up with another burning question.

“I got wet.  The lawn got mowed.  Life is good,” he answered.

“So there you have it,” Holly tossed it back to her imaginary audience.  “Another Homeowner’s Biathlon is in the books, and Aaron remains the World Champion.  Let’s go back to the studio to see what’s going on in the less interesting sports in the world…”

They both sat in silence as if waiting for an all clear.

Finally, Aaron turned to Holly and smiled.

“Life would really suck if you weren’t around to make it exponentially more fun and interesting,” he told her with a wink.

Holly raised her coffee cup for a sip in an attempt to hide the blushing attack that she knew was forthcoming…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Off Beat in the Rain

  1. kristianw84 says:

    Awww. This one gave me heart squeezes!

  2. markbialczak says:

    I have mowed in a light rain, Austin, but only when I started the cut before the rain began and I simply could not leave the lawn half-cut.

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