Get The Hell Off My Lawn, Old Age!

I don’t know what kind of sadistic curse has been put on me, Modern Philosophers, but when I went to mow the lawn yesterday, I tweaked something in my back and have never been in such pain.

It was bad enough I had to provide lawn care to the Great Lawn of The House on the Hill, but to have to do it while in progressively worsening discomfort really sucked.

This was not how I planned to spend my five day weekend.  I’d finally carved out some me time, and planned to relax, write, and not stress.

But whoever currently controls the Austin Voodoo Doll clearly had other ideas.  I could barely get out of bed this morning, and had to use the driver I keep next to the bed (the golf club, not a chauffeur!) to help me get down the stairs.

back pain, humor, Modern PhilosopherI popped a few ibuprofen and have been applying a heating pad to the affected area.  Now that I’ve been up for a few hours, I no longer need my makeshift cane and the pain has subsided, but I’m still not back to my normal, grumpy self.

Hopefully, this is one of those “just take it easy and your body will repair itself” scenarios.  Obviously, I didn’t go for a run this morning, and my overall plan was to rest for five days anyway.  However, I’m upset that I’m resting because my body decided to rebel, and not because I’ve earned a vacation.

So if anyone would like to volunteer to give up his or her long weekend to follow me around the house and make sure I can get from room to room when necessary, it would be greatly appreciated.

I promise to be charming company.  Just keep me hopped up on Snapple, and distract me with whatever movies you can find on cable.  There’s no need to make chit chat.  I prefer the silence so I can listen in on the arguments going on between the voices in my head.  The only heavy lifting might be dragging me up the stairs when it’s time to go to bed.

Sorry for using the blog to vent about my aches and pains, but there’s no one here to listen to me bitch and moan since the pandemic forced the interns to stop coming to work.

I really do hope that this is just a fluke injury, and not a sign of old age finally making its way to The House on the Hill.  I’m too young and too busy for that kind of nonsense.

Seriously, though, if anyone wants to stop by to check on me, I’ll name a character after you in an upcoming story…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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14 Responses to Get The Hell Off My Lawn, Old Age!

  1. kristianw84 says:

    I’m sorry you hurt your back. I’m wishing you a speedy recovery! I’m sure it’s not old age setting in just yet, and I’m sure you’ll be back on your feet in no time. I wish I lived closer. I’d come check on you and bring you Snapples if I could.

  2. Glenda says:

    That’s how it starts. You will be fine sooner than you think, but not nearly fast enough as you would like! Hang in there, Austin.

  3. beth says:

    hope you’re feeling better soon, just go easy on yourself in the meantime, and maybe you were just meant to relax this weekend

  4. Lisa Orchard says:

    Back pain is the worst. I was running on the treadmill and it seriously jacked up my back. I had to go to a chiropractor for 3 months to relieve the pain. It was horrible. I’m not running on the treadmill anymore and it’s nice enough for me to run outside and so far so good. Fingers crossed. You might want to try icing your back too. Alternating between ice and heat. If you use heat too much it can cause some inflammation (according to my chiropractor). I hope you feel better. You might also want to try a massage. I got one and the next day my back was 100% better. Sending healing vibes your way!

  5. markbialczak says:

    Hang in there and relax the aches away, Austin. As a fellow who’s collected some more years than you in my aches-and-pains collection, I can relate and empathize for sure.

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