Punting the Pigskin

“Are you ready for some football?” Holly asked excitedly as she pointed to her Patriots jersey.

Aaron rolled his eyes and took a long sip of his Snapple.

It was the first Sunday of the NFL season, and the best friends were seated on their favorite bench next to the river.

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s still baseball season,” he finally replied.  “Especially since the Yankees have a huge game against Tampa Bay today.  I’ll be watching that.”

“They’ll never beat Tampa Bay with Tom Brady at quarterback!” Holly giggled.

short story, humor, football, Modern PhilosopherAaron did not correct her because he knew she was pulling his leg.  Holly knew as much about sports as he did, and she was merely trying to get under his skin.

“You’re only excited for football because the Red Sox have been awful this season,” he informed her.  “You can’t wait to abandon them and move on the Patriots, but your boys aren’t the same ever since the golden boy left for Florida.”

Now it was Holly’s turn to roll her eyes.  She took a long sip of her coffee as she pondered the best way to snap back at him.

“True, the Red Sox have had a less than stellar season, but you know I love football.  And for the record, even without Brady, the Pats are a thousand times better than your pathetic Jets.”

Her beautiful face lit up in a mischievous smile.  He simply nodded.

“I agree,” he didn’t argue.  “The Jets are the only team in the league that starts every season with an 0-2 record before a single game is even played.  Why do you think I live and die with my Yankees?  I need their season to last as long as possible so I’m not forced to focus my devotion on the Jets.”

Holly sighed.  “You take all the fun out of razzing you when you admit that your team blows.”

flash fiction, best friends, relationships, Modern PhilosopherAaron flashed her an evil grin.  “Jets fans must evolve in order to survive.  If we tried to defend our ragtag franchise, we’d die of stress and frustration.  I’m really beginning to accept that the only way I’ll see them play in a Super Bowl is by building a time machine and traveling back to Super Bowl III.”

Holly nodded in emphatic agreement.  “The odds of that happening are way better than the Jets making the Super Bowl in your lifetime.”

“But do you know why I’ll never actually time travel back to watch that game?” he asked.

Holly was intrigued.  The question was not at all expected.

“Wait…now you’re saying you wouldn’t go back to watch the one and only time the New York Jets will ever win a Super Bowl???”

Aaron took another sip of his Snapple and nodded.

“I’m worried about the butterfly effect,” he confessed.  “What if I go back to that day and do something that alters the course of history and the Jets somehow end up losing to the Colts as a result?”

“Whoa!” Holly answered.

Then she got up and paced while she thought through that one.

“I’d never even considered that as an option,” she had to admit when she finally sat down again.

“If Marty’s misstep could have erased him and his siblings from history forever, what’s to say that I, the King of the Klutzes, wouldn’t screw up the timeline for the Jets?  I wouldn’t have Doc Brown with me to help me fix my mistakes.”

“You’d have me,” Holly agreed.  “And we both know I wouldn’t do anything to correct an error that deprived the Jets of the only good thing in their wretched history.”

“So it’s agreed,” he said sadly.  “When I finally complete my time machine, I’m not going back to Super Bowl III.”

“Which means you’ll never see the Jets win a Super Bowl,” she pointed out and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“At least I have the Yankees,” he responded with a heavy sigh.

Holly nodded and they both turned their attention towards the river.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Punting the Pigskin

  1. kristianw84 says:

    I can empathize with Aaron a little when it comes to the Jets. My baseball team hasn’t won a World Series in my lifetime, but I have high hopes they will make it! My prediction is 2025!! 😁

  2. beth says:

    Well, l have the tigers, so whet it )

  3. markbialczak says:

    Please, Austin, do not allow Aaron to go back and mess up our Supe III victory! And while you’re at it, tell him how my dear wife Karen and I somehow managed to fit in viewing Mets-Jets-NASCAR Chase race into Sunday viewing, thank’s to recording and fast-forwarding through all commercial breaks. At least the Mets won! (And the Braves fell in the bottom of the ninth to Seattle after their miraculous top-of-the-ninth comeback, but that one I followed on my iPad.)

  4. Pingback: Football in the morning: Sept. 18 – A Silly Place

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