Does Santa’s Sleigh Have A Weight Limit?

“I’ve set the radio at work to the station that plays non-stop Christmas songs,” Aaron revealed after taking a sip of his Snapple.  “I’ve got to tell you…not all of them are classics.”

It was the first Sunday of December and the best friends were bundled up on their favorite bench next to the river.

Holly giggled and sipped her coffee to get warm.  “Something tells me you are about to launch into a rant about a particular song…”

She looked over at him expectantly.  Rambling rants were one of her favorite things about Aaron.

“How foolish or disconnected from reality does a child have to be to request a hippopotamus for Christmas?” he asked with disdain.

short story, Christmas, Modern Philosopher“I’m not really a fan of that song, either,” Holly confessed.  “If I recall correctly, though, the popularity of the song led to a zoo in Oklahoma getting a hippo as a gift to the child star who sang it.”

“Don’t bring politics into our discussion about crappy Christmas songs,” he scolded her.  “We wouldn’t want to offend anybody.”

“How is that factoid about the zoo buying a hippo political?” she challenged.

“Who do you think funds the zoos?  Big Hippo?  Of course, not.  It’s the politicians,” he explained.

“Fine,” Holly was willing to concede the point if only to get him rolling on his rant again.  “However, if your goal was to not offend anyone, I think you’ve just pissed off hippopotamus lovers the world over.”

Aaron shrugged.  “They’re not our target audience, so I’m not too concerned.”

They both paused to take a drink.

“So you think asking for a hippo was a bad move?” Holly nudged him to continue.

“Absolutely!” he agreed excitedly.  “What the hell does any kid know about raising a hippopotamus?  Plus, I’m sure Fish and Wildlife agents weren’t thrilled about this.  They can’t have exotic animals being brought into the country all willy nilly.  Think of the disease they could carry.”

“But you’d have to assume that Santa Claus would make sure any animals given as Christmas gifts had all their shots and were cleared through Customs and such,” Holly played Devil’s advocate.  “After all, Santa has a reputation to uphold and doesn’t want to lose his license to fly over restricted airspace and the permission to bring good across borders.”

Christmas, humor, Modern Philosopher“You know, I never stopped to consider that,” he admitted.  “Santa Claus is bringing things over the border without declaring them at Customs.  Why don’t drug smugglers ever argue this in court?  The Santa Claus defense…”

“I suppose a lot of it has to do with the trust Santa has built with authorities over the centuries,” she speculated.  “Well, that and the fact that his sleigh is packed with toys, rather than drugs.”

Aaron nodded as he pondered her words.

“Maybe that’s a whole other conversation.  Anyway, there’s no way Santa Claus is going to be able to fit a hippo on his sleigh.  I know the thing is magic, but there’s got to be a weight limit.  Plus, you have to consider all the other toys that would have to be displaced in order to accommodate the animal.”

“You haven’t even mentioned the fact that reindeer and hippos probably don’t get along,” Holly added while fighting back a grin.  “I’m not saying they’re natural enemies or anything given that they probably never cross paths in the wild, but the reindeer are used to being the animals in the spotlight on that sleigh every Christmas Eve.  You can’t tell me that suddenly tossing a hippo into the mix isn’t going to lead to chaos and bad feelings.”

“Exactly!  I think we’ve both argued my point well,” Aaron told her.  “Kids should not want a hippopotamus for Christmas and the song isn’t a Christmas classic.”

“At least I know now what not to get you for Christmas,” she giggled.

Aaron rolled his eyes at her, and then turned his attention to the water.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Does Santa’s Sleigh Have A Weight Limit?

  1. kristianw84 says:

    Their banter makes me laugh! I was going to suggest Holly gift Aaron a hippopotamus ornament, but then I remembered Aaron doesn’t put up a tree. I remember an entire conversation about that last year. Maybe a chocolate one? Less of an annoyance if she feeds his sweet tooth! Haha.

    It is a ridiculous song, by the way! It was the favorite Christmas song of a guy’s I dated in high school. I remember asking, “What’s wrong with you?” 🤣

  2. beth says:

    one person’s classic is another’s folly )

  3. markbialczak says:

    They are getting along so well, Austin.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s