A Midwinter Night’s Dream

It wasn’t much as far as dreams go.  However, when I woke up and realized it had only been a dream, I wanted to cry.

Because it had been about her.

As much as I want to, I rarely dream about her.  I have nightmares about my ex-wife all the time, but I can never seem to conjure up a subconscious movie about the woman I miss more than anyone.

Like I said, it was a simple dream.

Suddenly, she stood there in front of me after all this time.  Those big brown eyes looking up at me.  The dimple dancing on her cheek when she smiled.

“I missed you.”

That was all she said.

And then she kissed me.  Soft, sweet, long, and romantic.

It had seemed so real.  That was why I was so upset when I finally gathered my wits and realized it was the middle of the night, and I was all alone.

I tried to push it out of my mind.

I didn’t attempt to fall back asleep and into the same dream because I understood that if I somehow managed to make my way back to her, the pain would be exponentially worse then I awakened.

Then on the way home, the radio played a song with a line that always makes me think of her.

Your brown skin shining in the sun…

Even in the middle of a ferocious Maine winter, she always had a tan.

love, relationships, Modern PhilosopherIt was in the middle of a blizzard that it had all really started.  I walked into the break room with my sandwich and shook the snow off my boots and jacket.

“What kind of moron goes out in a blizzard to get a sandwich?” she had challenged from her spot at the table.  Her smile made that dimple dance.  Her tan skin a sharp contrast to my snow covered ensemble.

And so it began.

I had a dream about her last night.

It was so real.

So powerful.

When people tell me there’s someone out there for me, and that I’ll find her eventually, I know they’re wrong.  I don’t say anything, though, because I want to believe it.

I’m so tired of being alone.

But I know they’re wrong because I already found her.

And now she’s gone.

She only visits me in dreams.

And even that is a rare event.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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9 Responses to A Midwinter Night’s Dream

  1. kristianw84 says:

    My heart breaks for you, Austin. I wish I had words of comfort, but I know there is nothing I could say or do to make it better. I’m sorry it’s so painful. 😔

  2. davidprosser says:

    I too feel for you Austin. I have the same dreams which end unkindly when I wake alone but I know I won’t be meeting my love soon as she passed away ten years ago now. I just hope that at my age it won’t be too long before we do meet again to share a future promised by the church for millennia.
    Hugs and Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

    • Austin says:

      I’m sorry for your loss, David.

      I try not to dwell on this lost love, but I thought a little reflection was a good way to purge things before the new year began.

  3. markbialczak says:

    I wish you a marvelous 2023 in all your pursuits, my friend Austin.

  4. Ocean Bream says:

    Wishing you well. This kind of pain is really burdensome. Sending you lots of warm thoughts and well wishes for the coming year.

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