Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

My Yankees Playoffs Fitness Program

My beloved Yankees are one win away from another trip to the World Series, Modern Philosophers, and I have found a way to turn my insane fandom into a great way to get into shape. Because I am not a … Continue reading

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We’ll Always Have Hell

“What if everyone on Earth finally decided to live a life free of sin?” I broke the Sunday silence at The House on the Hill with a deep, philosophical question. The Devil turned to me from his end of the … Continue reading

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How Dating Is Like Trick Or Treating

Halloween is quickly approaching, Modern Philosophers, so it’s time for a holiday themed Dating Tips post for those of you looking for love. Like Halloween, dating can be very scary, but a lot of fun.  It’s easy to let down … Continue reading

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The Shrieking Smoke Detector Dumpster Massacre

Last weekend will go down in the history books, Modern Philosophers, as one of those many times that I very nearly lost my mind. After an exhausting week, all I wanted to do was relax. But my stomach wanted no … Continue reading

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Tis The (Halloween) Season

“You do realize it is October, correct?” The Devil asked with obvious disappointment in his voice. I knew what disappointment sounded like, having been addressed with it by my stepmother for far too long. My guest stood in the entrance … Continue reading

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Why Won’t Sweat Kill Germs?

I’ve never been an ace at Science, Modern Philosophers.  That’s why you’ll see me in a toga, but never in a lab coat. Because of this shortcoming, I am forced to keep a team of scientists on retainer to help … Continue reading

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The Stages of Birthday Present Acceptance

One of the fun things about leaving the sanity and security of The House on the Hill, Modern Philosophers, is getting to study the other people inhabiting this planet. As Original Goat Girl often likes to ask, usually with her … Continue reading

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