Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

Use More Water, Ya Weirdo!

I’m well aware that I’m supposed to drink a lot of water when I’m running and working out, Modern Philosophers, and I think I do an excellent job of that. However, my town has an issue with it.  So much … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Tropical Paradise Lost

I deleted the show from the DVR and then shut off the TV because Jeff Probst had announced that the tribe had spoken. I reached into the cooler for a Snapple because watching Survivor always made me thirsty.  Maybe it … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

How I Would Spend My Trump Hush Money

I’ve given it a great deal of Deep Thought, Modern Philosophers, and I am finally ready to answer the question so many of you have asked me. While $130,000 might be just a drop in the bucket to a supposed … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

16 Days At 200K

I recently spent sixteen glorious days riding the wave of 200,000 weekly steps, Modern Philosophers. As I chronicled three weeks ago, I decided to motivate myself to kick further ass in my running program by setting a goal of collecting … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Blind Date

Justin skillfully weaved through the crowd of customers waiting to be seated, and worked his way over to the restaurant’s bar area. About half of the stools were occupied, but only one patron had the potential to be the individual … Continue reading

Posted in Dating, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Why Don’t You Go Mow Yourself?

Now that we’ve finally put away the snow shovels, it was only a matter of time before we rolled out the lawnmowers, Modern Philosophers. That annual right of Spring happened tonight at The House on the Hill.  I managed to … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Has This Soul Been Misfiled?

“Has anyone ever been sent to Hell in error?”I asked as I reached into the cooler for a fresh bottle of Snapple.  “I imagine with billions of souls in play, an occasional clerical error must come up like in any … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments