Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

When The Car Won’t Start

The day was off to such a promising start, Modern Philosophers. I had a really good run, and felt rather Barry Allen-esque after it was done. When I weighed myself, I discovered that I was the lightest I’ve been in … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Deep Thoughts on a Rainy Walk

My business managers, who are not allowed to enter The House on the Hill because I’d never want the money side of things to corrupt the creative flow, are always after me to add new features to the blog, Modern … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Hot As Hell (Not!)

O how I abhor it, When foolish mortals, A species who wasted The gift of Free Will, And is on the verge Of destroying the planet With which they were gifted, Try to tell me, The Prince of Darkness And … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Inviting The President To Maine

Dear President Trump, I’ve noticed that work has been a bit stressful for you lately, and I wanted to suggest that a vacation in Maine might be exactly what you need. I know you like to go to your ritzy … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Being Better At Life

I was walking down the hall today, Modern Philosophers, minding my own business and staying out of trouble, when a coworker stopped me. “There’s something different about you, Austin,” she informed me. The coworker who was with her, immediately jumped … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Welcome, Summer!

Happy First Day of Summer, Modern Philosophers! Not only does that mean today is the longest day of the year, but it also mercifully means that for the next three months, all snow is banned from Maine! I’m not quite … Continue reading

Posted in Dating, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Who’s Your Padre?

“I know this is a weird question, but who’s your Daddy?” I asked my guest with the slightest grin on my face.  “After all, it is Father’s Day.” The Devil looked up from the Sunday paper and sighed.  As always, … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments