Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

How To Date Like A Snowman

How’s it going, Modern Philosophers? I’m just in from shoveling snow, which got me to thinking that the holidays will soon be upon us.  And no one likes to be single for the holidays. Trust me, I know this from … Continue reading

Posted in Dating, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Highly Anticipated Return of the Sunday Rejects

It’s been a long time, Modern Philosophers, since I’ve shared some of my monologue jokes with you. Now that we’ve survived Election Day, I thought we might celebrate by welcoming the Sunday Rejects back to the blog. As you know, … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Sessions Wouldn’t Use Elfin Magic To Stop The Caravan

President Trump’s reason for firing fun size Attorney General Jeff Session is becoming a little clearer, Modern Philosophers. My source inside the White House informs me that the original theory floating around the internet is a complete fabrication. “President Trump … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Zeus Names Trump The Greek God Of Lying

Zeus, having recently become a huge fan of American Politics, today named President Donald Trump the Greek God of Lying. “He is so good at it, that he believes his own lies,” Zeus explained via Skype from Mount Olympus.  “He … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

The People I Meet On My Runs

Getting back into shape wasn’t the only reason I took up running, Modern Philosophers. I was hoping it would make me more social and help me to meet new people.  I have no problem diagnosing myself as a socially awkward … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Zombie Fun Run Turns Tragic When Stragglers Are Eaten

I warned them it wasn’t a good idea to change the annual Halloween Zombie Fun Run from a 5K to a 10K, but no one listened to me, Modern Philosophers. First of all, you’re always inviting trouble when you deal … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Halloween Is Coming! Fetch My Candy Barrel

Happy Halloween, Modern Philosophers! Usually, this blog is chock full of Halloween themed posts in October, but I just realized I’ve yet to write a single one this year. My bad. The Halloween Season begins in Maine on October 1, … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments