Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

Snowy Sundays Are Hell

“I see from the paraphernalia in the foyer that you’ve been engaging in your favorite winter activity again,” The Devil taunted with a sly grin when he entered the living room. As always he was sharply dressed in an impeccably … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Want A New President For Christmas

Dear Santa Claus, I know I’m a little too old to be writing to you, and this never worked well when I was a kid, but I refuse to stop believing in the Magic of Christmas. Plus, desperate times call … Continue reading

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Bury My Head In Ice Cream

Being of unsound mind And extremely Stressed body, I hereby declare That I wish To be buried In ice cream. That might not be A typical Last request, But at the moment, It’s exactly What I need. Truth be told, … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Caroling May Be Hazardous To Your Health

It’s hard to ignore The Devil when I sense he’s up to no good.  And he was definitely up to something. Over the past ten minutes, he’d been out to the front porch on six occasions. When he returned this … Continue reading

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Santa Claus Deeply Disturbed By Length Of Naughty List

According to multiple reports coming out of The North Pole, Modern Philosophers, Santa Claus was “deeply disturbed” by the length of the updated Naughty List presented to him by his Elves. The same sources confirm that Old St. Nick, who … Continue reading

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Who’s The Stranger On Our Porch?

Pay no mind to that stranger on your porch, Modern Philosophers.  It’s just me, and I’m totally harmless. I’m merely posing for a picture with your Christmas lights, and I’ll vanish into the darkness just as soon as I snap … Continue reading

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Arctic Adventure

Dr Jekyll has often told me, Modern Philosophers, that the best way to conquer my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder, is to go on little adventures to change my routine and shake those winter blues. Not only will the break from … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments