Author Archives: Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.

One Foot Equals Two Tons Of Anguish

I’ve always been good with numbers, units of measurement, and conversions, Modern Philosophers.  That’s why I’m so proud to announce that I’ve come up with a new unit and conversion. I’m calling it the Monkey Boy Metric, in honor or … Continue reading

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A Tear In The Vacation Time/Space Continuum

Science has never been my strong suit, Modern Philosophers, but I’ve always had this theory that time speeds up whenever I am on vacation. I think it has something to do with a tear in the space/time continuum, but don’t … Continue reading

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When Labor Day Meant Something Different

I don’t know about you, Modern Philosophers, but when I was a kid, I hated Labor Day because it meant it was time to go back to school. Sure, I was a little nerd who got straight A’s, but I … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Tearing Up The Road Less Traveled

I love waking up to the sound of rain, Modern Philosophers.  It’s especially enjoyable on mornings when I don’t have to get up to go to work. This morning, I pulled on the covers, turned towards the bedroom window, and … Continue reading

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Rewriting The Dream

I decided to eat breakfast out on the porch this morning, Modern Philosophers. It was a perfect summer morning.  Clear blue sky.  Gentle breeze.  So quiet that the only other sound was that of birds singing.  It doesn’t get much … Continue reading

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The Good Tipper

“This was a nice surprise,” Nikki beamed as she sat down at the table by the window and blew on her coffee. Nikki was very attractive.  When she smiled, her green eyes sparkled like emeralds, and  the freckles on her … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Could We Just Get Some Water?

I know there is a famous saying about not being able to fight City Hall, Modern Philosophers, but one should be able to  make a reasonable request of those in the building, right? After all, my tax dollars do pay … Continue reading

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