Category Archives: Politics

Trump Adds 1700 Days to December to Delay Inauguration

I’m no legal expert, Modern Philosophers, but I’m pretty sure that Trump’s legal team is getting desperate in their attempts to overturn the results of the 2020 Presidential Election. Not only have they been unable to prove that the dead … Continue reading

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I See Dead Voters

“What really bothers me about the Republicans’ claims of voter fraud is that they claim dead people voted, but they don’t give us any specifics,” Aaron complained from his bench after taking a sip of Snapple. Holly nodded in agreement … Continue reading

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Trump Creates New States, Awards Himself Their Electoral Votes

You’ve got to give the Trump Administration an A for creativity when it comes to finding new ways to avoid conceding the election, Modern Philosophers. In a move that not even the dead people who voted for Joe Biden in … Continue reading

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Americans Finally Exhale As Biden Declared Winner

After what seemed like years, Joe Biden has finally been declared the next President of the United States, Modern Philosophers! For the first time since Tuesday, I’ve been able to exhale.  I had no idea that I’d been holding my … Continue reading

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Trump Declares Victory Over Halloween

Just mere days after the White House website claimed that the administration had put an end to COVID-19, President Trump has taken credit for another huge accomplishment, Modern Philosophers. Now he’s declared victory over Halloween. At a campaign rally in … Continue reading

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I Voted! Did It Work???

I haven’t been this enthusiastic about voting since my Residence Hall Government Election during my Junior year of college, Modern Philosophers. Back then, I was a first time candidate running for President, and I didn’t think I had much of … Continue reading

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CDC Adds Sunday Joyride to Approved Coronavirus Treatments

Modern Philosophers, are you tired of waiting around for a Coronavirus vaccine? Are you sick of wearing a mask? Are you done letting the Coronavirus dominate you? Well, there might finally be some good news for you. According to the … Continue reading

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How Would President Snow Handle The Coronavirus?

I’ve been reading Suzanne Collins’ prequel to The Hunger Games, Modern Philosophers, and the book really has the Deep Thoughts flowing. The novel follows the life of a young Coriolanus Snow during the tenth Hunger Games.  Remarkable, the author manages … Continue reading

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Will Trump Go After Bookstores Next?

You know President Trump isn’t going to stop with putting the US Postal Service out of business, right, Modern Philosophers? He’s like one of those evil bullies from an 80s teen comedy.  The more he succeeds in being a prick, … Continue reading

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But Trump Saved Us From An Alien Invasion

Aaron and Holly were practicing proper social distancing on their favorite benches in the park.  Since they were fifteen feet apart, they had their masks off and were enjoying their favorite beverages on a beautiful Sunday morning. “I spent a … Continue reading

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