Tag Archives: 2016 Presidential Election

What The Hell-ary?

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Austin

“Hey, buddy, do you have a second?” the Devil asked a little too sweetly from the doorway that led from the foyer to the living room. The innocent smile on his handsome face set off my internal alarms as I … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Advisers Urge President Obama To Declare Himself King

Posted on November 12, 2016 by Austin

In the aftermath of Election Day, Modern Philosophers, America has seemed like an entirely different country as citizens react to and absorb the fact that Donald Trump has been elected the next President of the United States. Meanwhile, at the … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Who Choked Harder: Hillary or America?

Posted on November 9, 2016 by Austin

My fellow Americans and Modern Philosophers, I address you tonight from my basement bunker. Now that the election is over and Future President Trump has become President Elect Trump, I plan to live out the next four years in the … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Trump University To Buy The Electoral College?

Posted on November 7, 2016 by Austin

In a stunning development on the eve of Election Day, Wall Street insiders have announced that Trump University is attempting to buy the Electoral College. Most political pundits agree that the only way Donald Trump could defeat Hillary Clinton and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Highly Debatable

Posted on October 9, 2016 by Austin

“Do you mind if I hang around and watch the debate?” The Devil asked as he handed me an ice cold Snapple. If you’re ever going to ask a favor of me, doing so as you bribe me with my … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

#NoTrumpsMatter Movement Grows As Election Approaches

Posted on September 24, 2016 by Austin

Election Day is less than two months away, Modern Philosophers, and as fate hurtles us precariously closer to the reality of Future President Trump, civil unrest threatens to make the future even more apocalyptic. At the eye of the latest … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Why Won’t Trump Woo The Albinos?

Posted on August 31, 2016 by Austin

You don’t need to be Donald Trump’s personal chef, Modern Philosophers, to know he prefers white meat. Trump’s popularity among voters increases exponentially as the color of their skin gets lighter.  Conversely, the Republican Presidential candidate’s desire to ban people … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

My Emails With Hillary

Posted on August 27, 2016 by Austin

I promised her I would never tell, Modern Philosophers, and I’m usually a man of my word when it comes to affairs of the heart. But the FBI is about to make it public anyway, so I want to come … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Make America Gooder Again!

Posted on July 23, 2016 by Austin

One of my favorite things about writing this blog, Modern Philosophers, is getting to interact with you. Last night, I was grocery shopping and ran into my friend Trish, who immediately asked me when I was going to write about … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Trump Vetting Santa Claus For Vice President

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Austin

In a move that some are laughing off as a publicity stunt, and others are applauding as a shrewd piece of political maneuvering, the Trump campaign today announced that it has been vetting Santa Claus as a possible Vice Presidential … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments