Tag Archives: afterlife

God Electrifies The Pearly Gates To Keep Out Zombies

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
Apparently, Zombies don’t get to go to Heaven, Modern Philosophers. The Vatican announced today that God had electrified the Pearly Gates in order to keep out the herds of Zombies that…

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The Devil Offers A Warm Place In Hell For Anyone Tired Of Winter

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Austin

“I demand equal time!” snarled the angry voice from somewhere in the darkness. It is never enjoyable to be awakened from a deep sleep, Modern Philosophers, but it sucks even more when the disturbance is caused by The Prince of … Continue reading →

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Stairway to Heaven Closed for Repairs; Highway to Hell Adding Lanes

Posted on November 20, 2012 by Austin

Apparently, you can’t avoid construction delays in the Afterlife, whether you’ve been naughty or nice.  The Modern Philosopher Traffic Chopper reports delays on both the Stairway to Heaven and the Highway to Hell, news that holiday travelers most certainly did … Continue reading →

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