Tag Archives: Baby New Year

Who’s Your Holiday Hero?

Posted on April 7, 2017 by Austin

It’s Friday night, Modern Philosophers, which means we  survived another week! This one was long and exhausting.  Not only did I work both jobs, with The Nite Show taping on Wednesday night, but I also dove headfirst into a new … Continue reading →

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2017 Promises Not To Suck

Posted on December 31, 2016 by Austin

In a hastily called news conference just hours before the Times Square ball drop, Father Time promised that 2017 will not suck like 2016 did, Modern Philosophers. “I resolve that the @#$% stops with me, and Baby New Year will … Continue reading →

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Father Time Stuns World By Signing One Year Extension

Posted on December 28, 2015 by Austin

In a stunning development, Father Time announced today that he has signed a one year contract extension, Modern Philosophers. While the terms of this unprecedented deal were not immediately disclosed, it is definitely the biggest move of the free agent … Continue reading →

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Vegas Betting Against Your Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on December 30, 2014 by Austin

Vegas, Modern Philosophers, Vegas! No, I didn’t go to Las Vegas for this story, but I wanted to do so.  It’s a frigid 14 degrees in Maine, and I know the odds favor that it is much warmer out in … Continue reading →

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Father Time Resolves To Fight Forced Retirement

Posted on December 30, 2014 by Austin

“Baby New Year can cry all he wants, but he’s not getting my job!” declared an irate Father Time as he stood on the steps outside the courthouse in downtown Bangor.  “I will retire under my own terms, and I … Continue reading →

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Protesters Demand That Baby New Year Wear More Clothes

Posted on December 29, 2014 by Austin

A group calling themselves Guardians Rallying Against Naked New Year (GRANNY) picketed outside of City Hall in New York City today, Modern Philosophers, demanding that the New Year’s Eve Time Square Ball Drop be canceled unless Baby New Year puts … Continue reading →

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Father Time Admits To Being A Total @#$%^& In 2013

Posted on December 31, 2013 by Austin

Father Time stopped by The House on the Hill to come clean about his behavior in 2013 before he clocked out at midnight and turned the business over to Baby New Year. “I was a total @#$%^& this year,” Father … Continue reading →

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Father Time Alleges Age Discrimination; Resolves to Fight Forced Retirement

Posted on December 29, 2013 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
“Baby New Year can cry all he wants, but he’s not getting my job!” declared an irate Father Time as he stood on the steps outside the courthouse in downtown Bangor. …

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments