Tag Archives: cold

The Unrelenting Snow Globe

Thanks for all the messages, Modern Philosophers, asking me where I’ve vanished to since I haven’t blogged in ages. It’s nice to know someone would call the police to check The House on the Hill for a frozen corpse should … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

It’s 13 Degrees…Let’s Go For A Run!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, Modern Philosophers! I have a confession to make.  I might have possibly slacked off on my running a little while The Sweet Irish Girl was here. I only went for one run during her visit, but I … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Spring…Are You Out There???

Tomorrow Is the first day Of spring, And yet, My face Almost Froze off Just now As I walked from The House on the Hill To the Library. It wasn’t A long walk, More of A stroll, But the wind … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Snow Miser Rides Into Bangor Atop A Woolly Mammoth

Like a conquering king, Snow Miser rode down Broadway in Bangor atop a woolly mammoth this afternoon, Modern Philosophers. “The New Ice Age has arrived!” Snow Miser screamed as he hurled snowballs at stunned Mainers, who had no idea how … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Miserable Morning Medicine Meeting: 1/14/15

It’s been a miserable morning, Modern Philosophers. I woke up at 4AM in a coughing and sneezing fit, and never could fall back asleep.  As I suffered under the covers, wishing sleep would come, there was a bright spot in … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Stephen King To Pay For Retractable Dome To Protect Maine From Winter

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
The Master of Nightmares has become the Granter of Dreams, Modern Philosophers! As Maine suffers through its coldest Winter since the dawn of time, the state’s most famous resident has decided…

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Icebergs Snarl Maine Traffic As New Ice Age Grips State

Rush hour traffic is snarled in Maine tonight, Modern Philosophers, due to the sudden formation of giant icebergs on major roadways throughout the state. Maine Department of Transportation spokesperson Rita DeLarue told this Modern Philosopher that crews are trying to … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Maine Thermometers Ordered To Go To Counseling For Being So Damn Negative

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
In a stunning move and a ridiculous misuse of his power, Maine Governor Paul LePage announced that all thermometers in the state had to attend mandatory counseling sessions to address their…

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The After Birthday Party

Oh  glorious piece Of Leftover Chocolate Birthday cake, Thank Zeus My eyes Were bigger than My tummy Last night When I purchased you. After the Horrible day I’ve had, It was A small miracle To discover you Waiting for me … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

All Hallows Society To Charge Snow Miser With Winter War Crimes

As Mainers prepare for a frigid night with wind chills approaching 30 degrees below zero, the word around the fireplace is that The All Hallows Society has decided to charge Snow Miser with Winter War Crimes. While there is no … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments