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© Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher, 2012-2023. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Tag Archives: Flu
Why Won’t Sweat Kill Germs?
I’ve never been an ace at Science, Modern Philosophers. That’s why you’ll see me in a toga, but never in a lab coat. Because of this shortcoming, I am forced to keep a team of scientists on retainer to help … Continue reading
Posted in Fitness, Humor
Tagged Fitness, Flu, germs, Humor, life hacks, Modern Philosopher, running, sarcasm, satire, Science
4 Comments
Devil In A Hazmat Suit
The Devil served me lunch on a shiny silver tray that he must have brought from Hell because I had never before seen the object at The House on the Hill. “Lunch is served,” he announced in a muffled, but … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Writing
Tagged flash fiction, Flu, hazmat suit, health, Humor, Modern Philosopher, sarcasm, satire, short story, The Devil, writing
9 Comments
I Slept Past 10AM: Now I’m Doomed!
The plan for this morning, Modern Philosophers, was to get up early and go for a run. And I was serious about the running thing. I had my running clothes ready to go. I’d even bought a scale yesterday. You … Continue reading
Posted in Fitness, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged exercise, exhaustion, Flu, health, Humor, Modern Philosopher, running, sarcasm, satire, sleep, weight loss
13 Comments
My Girlfriend Is Always Right
I’ve come up with a new relationship status for Facebook, Modern Philosophers: My girlfriend is always right. The next time I see Mark Zuckerberg, I will definitely run this one past him. It’s a relationship status that I would add … Continue reading
Posted in Dating, Humor, Love, Philosophy
Tagged Facebook, Flu, girlfriend, Humor, life, Modern Philosopher, relationship status, Relationships, sarcasm, satire, snow
20 Comments
Your Insurance Will Cover A Witch Doctor, But Not Witchcraft
I’m a big baby when I’m sick, Modern Philosophers. I think that The Girl Who Went Off To Be A Doctor probably knew that she was meant to be in the medical field after having to take care of this … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Flu, Gargoyles, Humor, Love, Magic, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Sick, Witch Doctor, Witches
8 Comments
I Am Sick Without You…
I am sick Without you Here To take care Of me. I languish All alone On the couch, Choking down Soup While I Watch TV. I miss The way You’d play With my hair, Rub my tummy, And lecture me … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy, Poetry
Tagged Flu, Humor, lonely, Love, Modern Philosopher, Romantic, satire, scarcasm, Sick
6 Comments
Too Sick To Write…Who’s Got A Cure?
I’m too sick to write a post tonight, Modern Philosophers. That guy in the photo on the left looks a thousand times better than how I feel. It started as just a tickle in my throat this morning, but all … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged blogging, camels, Flu, Humor, Love, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Sick, soup, writing
40 Comments
I Advise You To Not Get The Flu
Dear Modern Philosopher, I heard you were sick. Feeling any better? Concerned in Connecticut Dear Concerned, Thank you for your letter. The rumors are true. I am sick as a dog, which really has my cat upset, and has … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged advice, contagious, Flu, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Sick
24 Comments
Young Mainers Haunted By The Booger Man, The Monster In Their Nose
The CDC has issued a warning to all Mainers about an evil strain of the flu that is spreading across the state at a rapid pace. This malady, which seems to affect only those under the age of 13, exhibits … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Booger Man, Flu, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Monsters, nightmares, satire, scary, sickness
22 Comments