Tag Archives: food

What Is The Perfect Birthday Cake?

Posted on January 5, 2019 by Austin

Tomorrow is my birthday, Modern Philosophers, so I thought I’d pose a very important philosophical question: What is the perfect birthday cake? Unfortunately, no one has asked me this question recently, which leads me to believe I’ll be on my … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

Feeding The Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 22, 2018 by Austin

The interns won’t stop pestering me about finding my Christmas Spirit, Modern Philosophers. I’d like to fire them all to get them out of my hair, but free help is so hard to find. The one with all the freckles … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

What’s The Deal With Candy Canes?

Posted on December 7, 2018 by Austin

Seriously, though, Modern Philosophers, what’s the deal with candy canes? A friend and I were talking about acceptable stocking stuffers, and she suggested those oddly shaped red and white sticks that magically appear this time of year. Not in my … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Rescuers Call Off Search For Missing Thanksgiving Leftovers

Posted on November 25, 2018 by Austin

Sunday, Day 4 I can’t believe this is happening!  I’ve searched everywhere, but they’re gone.  Completely vanished.  As if they weren’t even here in the first place! I’ve torn apart the refrigerator.  I didn’t even know the thing had a … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

And Then I Ate My Weight In Turkey…

Posted on November 22, 2018 by Austin

Happy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers! This has always been a complicated holiday for me.  It is linked to so many memories, both good and bad, usually associated with past relationships. As a result, I tend to be moody on Turkey Day.  … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Chilly Days Are Chili Days

Posted on October 6, 2018 by Austin

I’m a complicated guy, Modern Philosophers, but I have a very simply cooking philosophy: When it’s chilly, make chili. I’ve had a big pot of chili simmering on the stove all day.  The House on the Hill has never smelled … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Bury My Head In Ice Cream

Posted on December 5, 2017 by Austin

Being of unsound mind And extremely Stressed body, I hereby declare That I wish To be buried In ice cream. That might not be A typical Last request, But at the moment, It’s exactly What I need. Truth be told, … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Go Stuff Yourself

Posted on November 21, 2017 by Austin

Thanksgiving time Is back again, And that can only mean One thing… You must give in To the deepest, Darkest, Highest caloric Desires of your belly. Sure, this holiday Is about gratitude. I mean, It’s right there In the name, … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Thanksgiving in August

Posted on August 26, 2017 by Austin

Since anything can happen on vacation, Modern Philosophers, I decided to make today Thanksgiving. No, I didn’t dress up as a Pilgrim and watch football all day like I normally do on National Turkey Day, but I did make the … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Holy $@#%, I Ate Ice Cream!

Posted on May 31, 2017 by Austin

You’d better sit down for this one, Modern Philosophers. Come to think of it, you might want to strap yourself in.  If you don’t have straps, get your interns to hold you down. And if you don’t have interns, well, … Continue reading →

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments