Tag Archives: Fourth of July

England To Become Our 51st State On July 4

President Obama has chosen Independence Day Eve, Modern Philosophers, to make the shocking announcement that England will become out fifty-first state on July 4. “Sure, our will flags look a little awkward now with a fifty-first star,” The President told … Continue reading

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Pig Out Like A Patriot

When our forefathers were drawing up the documents to govern this great nation, Modern Philosophers, they knew there was no need to list the right to party hearty when it was time to celebrate a momentous occasion. As Americans, that … Continue reading

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Bloodsuckers For Trump

Independence Day is just around the corner, Modern Philosophers, so we’re having a big barbecue at work. I don’t know anyone who enjoys a thick, juicy, very rare hamburger more than my friend Ana.  Since I hadn’t seen my favorite … Continue reading

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Come For The Fireworks, Stay For The Damnation

“Did you catch the fireworks last night?” I asked The Devil as I handed him a Snapple and sat back down on the couch. The Yankees were losing, but I didn’t care.  I loved watching baseball after a long week … Continue reading

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We Reject King George’s Tyranny

Happy Fifth of July, Modern Philosophers! A special lakeside edition of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, and it’s time for me to share some of my jokes that didn’t make it onto the air on Independence … Continue reading

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I Advise You To Take The Fifth

Dear Modern Philosophers, Happy Sunday!  Hope you all had a wonderful Independence Day, and that there were no accidents related to the setting off of fireworks.  No one wants to spend the Fifth of July in the Emergency Room. I … Continue reading

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How To Tell If Your Date Is A British Spy

Happy Independence Day, Modern Philosophers! Many of you will be celebrating the Fourth of July at parties, where you will meet new people, and maybe make plans for a date. It’s time for another Dating Tips posts to make sure … Continue reading

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President Obama Sings “Happy Birthday, USA” With Stunned Americans

Happy Independence Day, Modern Philosophers! According to reports out of The White House, President Obama woke up early on the Fourth of July and decided to spread a little holiday cheer of his own. Numerous sources have confirmed that The … Continue reading

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Declaration Of Independence Never Notarized; America Reverts To British Rule

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
A British court today ruled that The Declaration of Independence was never properly notarized, meaning that America never legally declared its independence from England. As a result, on the eve of…

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The Angel Wore Red, White, and Blue

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
I was out on the porch of The House on the Hill, grilling a burger for a quiet Fourth of July lunch, when the goosebumps began their patriotic march across my…

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