Tag Archives: government

No Classified Documents Found In Blog Archives

Posted on January 28, 2023 by Austin

I’ve never been much of a follower, Modern Philosophers, but since all the cool kids seem to be doing the Take Home Classified Documents Challenge, I wanted to be absolutely positive that I hadn’t caved to peer pressure. Since this … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A Taxing Day Off

Posted on February 28, 2019 by Austin

I made my annual journey across the bridge to the Bangor Public Library today, Modern Philosophers. I was not seeking out Stephen King’s latest novel, however. I was there to file my income taxes, and see if Uncle Sam was … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Trump Declares National Emergency Over Lack Of White House Snacks

Posted on February 16, 2019 by Austin

I knew this was going to happen, Modern Philosophers. Once President Trump broke the seal on declaring a National Emergency in order to get his way, I knew it was just a matter of time before he used it again. … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Trump Vetting Santa Claus For Vice President

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Austin

In a move that some are laughing off as a publicity stunt, and others are applauding as a shrewd piece of political maneuvering, the Trump campaign today announced that it has been vetting Santa Claus as a possible Vice Presidential … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

If I Were Dictator Of The Universe…

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Austin

A long time ago, When I was Much younger, Completely foolish, And knew Next to nothing About intergalactic politics, I would make Bold proclamations About What I’d do If I were Dictator of the Universe. Of course, Since I was … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

IRS: Cut The $@#&, We Know You Cheated On Your Taxes!

Posted on April 15, 2015 by Austin

You’re busted, Modern Philosophers. That incessant pounding on your front door is probably agents of the IRS coming to have a little chat about this year’s tax return. You did remember to file your taxes, right?  It is April 15. … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

I Advise You To Demand Time Travel Technology

Posted on February 15, 2015 by Austin

Dear Modern Philosopher, I have a problem that I’m hoping you can solve. I woke up this morning to find that my husband wasn’t in bed.  This has happened several times now over the past few weeks, and I don’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Maine Trolls Protest Excessive Bridge Construction

Posted on January 18, 2015 by Austin

Maine’s Troll population is not pleased with what they are calling an “excessive amount” of bridge work being done by the Department of Transportation this Winter. Trolls braved the rain today to march outside of Governor LePage’s residence, but the … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Is The Elf On The Shelf An NSA Operative?

Posted on December 2, 2014 by Austin

We now bring you an important Holiday Safety Message, Modern Philosophers… As Christmas draws nearer, more Americans are opening their homes to that Holiday staple, The Elf on the Shelf. He does look so sweet and innocent, doesn’t he, Modern … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 59 Comments

IRS To Crackdown On Scofflaw Lemonade Stand Operators

Posted on July 22, 2014 by Austin

As this heatwave continues to leave the United States a sweaty, dehydrated mess, agents of the IRS have somehow found the energy to go after a new kind of tax cheat… Lemonade Stand Operators! That’s right, Modern Philosophers…those big meanies … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments