Tag Archives: Governor LePage

Inviting The President To Maine

Posted on June 24, 2017 by Austin

Dear President Trump, I’ve noticed that work has been a bit stressful for you lately, and I wanted to suggest that a vacation in Maine might be exactly what you need. I know you like to go to your ritzy … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Maine’s Flying Monkeys Grounded Due To High Winds

Posted on March 22, 2015 by Austin

Maine Governor Paul LePage has issued an order grounding all of Maine’s Flying Monkeys due to strong winds, Modern Philosophers. Maine’s Air National Guard has been mobilized to clear the skies, and all Flying Monkeys are being issued free drink … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Governor LePage Vetoes Proposed Law To Ban Snow In Maine

Posted on January 29, 2015 by Austin

Maine lawmakers tried to pass a law to ban snow in Maine, but the proposal was quickly vetoed by Governor Paul LePage. One state representative, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told this Modern Philosopher that the law was rushed … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Don’t Be A Scrooge And Reject This Holiday Cheer!

Posted on December 14, 2014 by Austin

Happy Sunday, Modern Philosophers! A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, which means I can share some of the monologue jokes I wrote that did not make it onto TV. It was a festive … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

A New Batch Of Rejects Are Baking In The Oven

Posted on December 7, 2014 by Austin

Happy Sunday, Modern Philosophers. Last night’s episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman was a rerun, so I don’t have any rejected monologue jokes to share with you. The good news, however, is that we are taping four shows … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Zeus Admits To Lightning Strikes After Unexpected Election Results

Posted on November 10, 2014 by Austin

Gods usually avoid politics, Modern Philosophers, and for good reason. Yesterday, I sat down with Zeus, the Father of the Greek Gods and Campaign Manager for Mayor McCheese, to discuss the recent Maine Gubernatorial Election. Zeus’ candidate, despite having a … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Reject The Election Results, But Not The Jokes!

Posted on November 9, 2014 by Austin

Happy Sunday, Modern Philosophers! It’s not snowing today, so it’s a much better Sunday than last week.  However, Governor LePage did win re-election on Tuesday, so maybe this Sunday is worse. What I do know is that a new episode … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Pope Declares Governor LePage’s Victory A Modern Miracle

Posted on November 8, 2014 by Austin

Pope Francis today declared Maine Governor Paul LePage’s Election Day victory to be a modern miracle. “I don’t throw around the term ‘miracle’ lightly, Austin,” The Holy Father explained to this Modern Philosopher via Skype.  “However, I can find no … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Dragon Fire Outlawed As Means Of Clearing Snow In Maine

Posted on January 12, 2014 by Austin

Maine Governor Paul LePage today pushed through a new law making it illegal for Mainers to use Dragon Fire to clear snow and ice. “While the Governor knows that using Dragons is a cheaper, less physically demanding means of clearing … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Governor LePage Rejects Aliens’ Offer To Protect Maine From Winter With Dome

Posted on December 28, 2013 by Austin

As Maine continues to struggle with power outages from last week’s ice storm, another blizzard is bearing down on the snow smothered state. Maine’s Alien population has offered to use its advanced technology to drop a dome over the state … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments