Tag Archives: heaven

Has This Soul Been Misfiled?

Posted on May 6, 2018 by Austin

“Has anyone ever been sent to Hell in error?”I asked as I reached into the cooler for a fresh bottle of Snapple.  “I imagine with billions of souls in play, an occasional clerical error must come up like in any … Continue reading →

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God Electrifies The Pearly Gates To Keep Out Zombies

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
Apparently, Zombies don’t get to go to Heaven, Modern Philosophers. The Vatican announced today that God had electrified the Pearly Gates in order to keep out the herds of Zombies that…

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God Electrifies The Pearly Gates To Keep Out Zombies

Posted on May 20, 2014 by Austin

Apparently, Zombies don’t get to go to Heaven, Modern Philosophers. The Vatican announced today that God had electrified the Pearly Gates in order to keep out the herds of Zombies that keep knock, knock, knocking on Heaven’s Door. “I’m told … Continue reading →

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What The Hell? The Devil Took My Last Snapple!

Posted on July 23, 2013 by Austin

All I could think about all day, Modern Philosophers, was clocking out, going home to The House on the Hill, and unwinding on the porch with an ice cold Snapple. So I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I found the last … Continue reading →

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More Souls Choosing Hell Over Heaven Due To Cheaper Housing Options

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Austin

The week from Hell literally earned that designation tonight when I returned to The House on the Hill to find The Devil, my most frequent uninvited house guest, making himself at home on my couch.  Not only was he drinking … Continue reading →

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Stairway to Heaven Closed for Repairs; Highway to Hell Adding Lanes

Posted on November 20, 2012 by Austin

Apparently, you can’t avoid construction delays in the Afterlife, whether you’ve been naughty or nice.  The Modern Philosopher Traffic Chopper reports delays on both the Stairway to Heaven and the Highway to Hell, news that holiday travelers most certainly did … Continue reading →

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