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© Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher, 2012-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Tag Archives: Ice Cream
They All Scream For Ice Cream…In Hell
“Happy National Ice Cream Day!” The Devil said excitedly as he marched into the living room and handed me a large Blizzard. “You went to Dairy Queen?” I asked with surprise as I enthusiastically took the blue cup from him … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy, Writing
Tagged Dairy Queen, fiction, hell, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, National Ice Cream Day, Sarcasm, satire, short story, The Devil
4 Comments
I Scream, You Scream…Just Shut Up And Have Some Ice Cream
Apparently, today is National Ice Cream Day, Modern Philosophers. And people wonder why Americans are so overweight and out of shape… I usually write my advice column on Sundays, so I’m going to advise you to not worry about the … Continue reading
Posted in Fitness, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged advice, food, Humor, Ice Cream, life, model crush, Modern Philosopher, National Ice Cream Day, running, Sarcasm, satire
27 Comments
“Smart” Ice Cream Offers Faster Fix For Sadness And Broken Hearts
The next time life has you down, Modern Philosophers, and you reach for that quart of ice cream to make it all better, expect much quicker results! Scientists at Maine’s prestigious Chamberlain Laboratories have created a Smart Ice Cream, which … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy
Tagged Broken Heart, depression, food, Humor, Ice Cream, life, Modern Philosopher, psychology, Sarcasm, satire, Science
59 Comments
I’ve Got To Make Room For The Ice Cream!
It’s another gorgeous Summer’s day in Maine, Modern Philosophers, despite the fact that it is September 28. It’s currently 84 degrees, I’ve got the windows open, I’m wearing shorts, and the sun is filling The House on the Hill with … Continue reading
Posted in Fitness, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged heat wave, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, running, Sarcasm, satire, Summer, weather
20 Comments
Is This The Global Warming We Were Promised?
I just went for a walk up to the local supermarket, Modern Philosophers. It was a walk, that on the final weekend of September, made me so hot that I had to slip into the restroom to throw cold water … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Al Gore, global warming, Humor, Ice Cream, Julia Shumway, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Under the Dome
34 Comments
Jump Start Your Brain: Ice Cream!!!
Happy Saturday, Modern Philosophers! What an awesome day this has turned out to be! It was gray and gloomy when I awakened, but now it’s sunny and breezy. Perfect weather to be writing out on the porch of The House … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged August, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Saturday, Summer
27 Comments
Mainers Get An A+ In Ice Cream
Happy National Ice Cream Day! How would you do on this quiz?
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, National Ice Cream Day, quiz, Sarcasm, satire
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This Devil Don’t Grill
“I could fire up the grill if you’re hungry,” I told Lucifer as I handed him another Snapple out of the cooler. “I’ve got some red hot dogs in the fridge.” It was so quiet out on the porch that … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing
Tagged Devil, fiction, grilling, hell, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, short story
22 Comments
Blizzard Of Zombies Turns Brewer Dairy Queen Into Royal Mess
It was such a hot day in Maine today, Modern Philosophers, that the Zombies were willing to trade in their usual feast of brains for an attack of brain freeze. At 12:13pm, Brewer Police responded to a frantic 911 call … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Blizzard, brain freeze, Brains, Dairy Queen, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, satire, scary, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
6 Comments