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© Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher, 2012-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Tag Archives: Modern Philosophers
America Stops Looking For Marco (Polo!)
The American electorate has finally decided to get out of the pool, Modern Philosophers. Alas, our boring game of Marco (Polo!) has come to a merciful end. A month and a half after his epic third place finish in the … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics
Tagged 2016 Presidential Election, Donald Trump, Florida Primary, Humor, Marco Rubio, Modern Philosophers, Politics, Republicans, sarcasm, satire, third place
5 Comments
The Grinch Says 8 Days Of Hanukkah Are Just Too Tempting
Please keep an old friend in your thoughts and prayers this Holiday Season, Modern Philosophers. It turns out that The Grinch, that big, ugly, green, furry being with a compulsion for breaking and entering, has relapsed. According to reps for … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged breaking and entering, compulsive behavior, Hanukkah, Hanukkah Harry, heist, Humor, Modern Philosophers, Santa Claus, Sarcasm, satire, The Grinch
11 Comments
Maine’s Enchanted Halloween Candy Is Actually Good For You!
The big announcement on Day 22 of the Maine Halloween Season Festival was that the Halloween candy revelers have been eating all month is actually good for them! That’s right, Modern Philosophers, not only is the candy that’s been passed … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged candy, diet, Halloween, health, Humor, Magic, Modern Philosophers, Sarcasm, satire, Witches
4 Comments
Friday the 13th Prequel, Thursday the 12th, To Focus On Wacky Camp Hijinks
Just as the Summer Movie Season is about the kick into high gear, upstart studio Reboot Pictures has announced that it has given the green light to its first project. The company has purchased the prequel rights to the popular … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Camp Crystal Lake, Friday the 13th, Humor, Jason, Modern Philosophers, prequel, Sarcasm, satire
9 Comments
Starbucks Pulls Thanksgiving Coffees After Multiple Complaints
Coffee giant Starbucks decided to pull its two new seasonal coffees after receiving numerous complaints about the items. “We thought it would be fun to come up with special Holiday offerings for our customers at Thanksgiving,” Starbucks spokesman Dirk Benedict … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged cofee, feast, Humor, leftovers, Modern Philosophers, Sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving, Turkey
42 Comments
President Obama Announces New Anti-Racism Initiative: “Time To Repaint The White House!”
President Obama stunned the White House Press Corps today when he made a surprise announcement about his new idea for fighting racism. “As you know, I have already made amazing strides against racism in our country by becoming the first … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Politics
Tagged Humor, Modern Philosophers, Paint the White House, President Obama, satire, White House
51 Comments
Bangor City Council Denies Dr. Frankenstein’s Request To Build His New Lab Next To All Soul’s Cemetery
The Bangor City Council today voted unanimously to deny Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s request to build his new state of the art laboratory on the abandoned lot next to All Soul’s Cemetery. The lot, which has long sat empty, has been … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Cemeteries, Frankenstein, Frankenstein's Castle, Humor, Maine, Modern Philosophers, Monsters, satire
47 Comments
The Flash Hospitalized With The Runs; Embarrassed Superhero Chuckles At The Irony
The nasty flu bug that’s been scampering around Maine has even managed to catch up with the fastest man alive. The Flash was admitted to Eastern Maine Medical Center today after a desperate 911 call stating that he was too … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Comic Books, Flu, Humor, Modern Philosophers, satire, Superheroes, The Flash
30 Comments
The Library: It’s Not Just For Books
I really need to start going to the library more (The Girl Who Shares My Inside Jokes is giggling loudly right now, but just ignore her). The Bangor Public Library, depicted in the photo at the left, is an amazing … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Books, Humor, Library, Modern Philosophers, satire, talking to strangers, Taxes
25 Comments
Ben Affleck To Star In Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy Sequel, Chasing Oscar
I am a huge Kevin Smith fan, so this Modern Philosopher was very excited to hear that Kevin Smith has decided to make a sequel to his beloved flick, Chasing Amy. Ben Affleck has agreed to reprise his role of … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Academy Awards, Argo, Ben Affleck, Chasing Amy, Humor, Kevin Smith, Modern Philosophers, Oscars, satire
13 Comments