Tag Archives: Monsters

Monsters Love Hawaiian Shirts

Posted on May 1, 2021 by Austin

Every once in a while, Modern Philosophers, I think it helps to time travel back to my childhood so you better understand how a lonely, nerdy kid with an overactive imagination grew up to be me. Today, we journey back … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Halloween Horror Panel Selects Humans As Scariest Beings

Posted on October 28, 2014 by Austin

The much anticipated Halloween Horror Panel was held at the Cross Insurance Center in Bangor today. A packed house gathered for what is referred to as the “Comic-Con of Halloween”.  Sponsored by the All Hallows Society, the Horror Panel is … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Sigmund the Sea Monster Petitions Marine Biologists to be Reclassified as a Sea Creature

Posted on September 7, 2014 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
Sigmund the Sea Monster, famous for the 1970s Saturday morning TV show loosely based upon his life, has petitioned the American Board of Marine Biologists to be reclassified as a Sea…

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Advise You That We Can All Just Get Along

Posted on August 24, 2014 by Austin

Dear Modern Philosopher, I wanted to congratulate you on the furry new additions to your family.  I’m a cat person myself, and it warms my heart anytime I hear about someone opening his life to pets who need a home.  … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Monsters Under The Bed Fleeing Maine At An Alarming Rate

Posted on June 4, 2014 by Austin

Have you checked under your beds lately, Modern Philosophers? If you live in Maine, there’s an excellent chance you will discover that the Monster Under Your Bed has packed up and left for New Hampshire. According to the Bureau of … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Young Mainers Haunted By The Booger Man, The Monster In Their Nose

Posted on July 10, 2013 by Austin

The CDC has issued a warning to all Mainers about an evil strain of the flu that is spreading across the state at a rapid pace.  This malady, which seems to affect only those under the age of 13, exhibits … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Modern Philosopher Mailbag: Milestones, Monsters, and Merriment

Posted on June 29, 2013 by Austin

I’m bored, so let’s randomly pick another letter from the mailbag to answer… Dear Modern Philosopher, I recently noticed that you posted your 500th article.  Congratulations!  That’s a lot of Deep Thoughts in 8 months.  I do enjoy your blog … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Maine’s Adopt-A-Monster Drive Needs Your Help!

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Austin

One day after celebrating its record setting year, Maine Monster Control announced an ambitious and exciting plan to help find new homes for Monsters left homeless because of the recent rough economy and crash of the housing market. The creatures … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Adventures in Paranormal Babysitting

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
No one will ever mistake me for Elisabeth Shue, but on occasion I will re-open the Modern Philosopher Babysitting/House Sitting Service for the right customer.  I get along fairly well with…

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Maine Monster Control Celebrates Record Setting Year

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Austin

Maine Monster Control celebrated a record setting year by holding a lavish party at the Bangor Hilton.  The MMC, which is tasked with dealing with complaints by humans against monsters, had to respond to a record low number of calls … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments