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© Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher, 2012-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Tag Archives: Pilgrims
Thankful For What?
This couple knocked on my door tonight. They were dressed as Pilgrims. Full blown first Thanksgiving kind of garb. The guy had a clipboard, the woman just offered a smile. I’d normally tell strangers to get the hell off my … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor
Tagged Humor, introverts, life, Modern Philosopher, Pilgrims, Relationships, Sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving
9 Comments
What If The Pilgrims Had Run A 5K Instead?
Far too many Americans are fat and out of shape, Modern Philosophers. Do you know who I blame for this? The Pilgrims. Those judgmental bastards with the horrible fashion sense could have ensured that this was a nation of healthy, … Continue reading
Posted in Fitness, Holidays, Humor
Tagged Fitness, health, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Pilgrims, running, sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving, traditional Thanksgiving feast
1 Comment
Historians Blame The Pilgrims For America’s Obesity Problem
It took almost four hundred years, Modern Philosophers, but historians have finally placed the blame for America’s obesity problem exactly where it belongs… …with the Pilgrims! “Before the Pilgrims invaded our country, forced their way across our borders, and brought … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor
Tagged food, health, Humor, Modern Philosopher, obesity, Pilgrims, Politics, sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving dinner
4 Comments
Why Didn’t The Pilgrims Discover Thanksgiving On A Monday?
I don’t know much about the Pilgrims, Modern Philosophers, other than that they were extremely sharp dressers, they loved to travel by boat, and they knew how to throw a righteous feast. I remember there being some movie about their … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged aliens, history, holiday, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Monday, Pilgrims, Sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving, Thursday
8 Comments
Gravy Train Derails On Way To Maine; Dry Thanksgiving Expected
The New Hampshire Transportation Authority has confirmed that a Gravy Train bound for Maine derailed this evening about 15 miles from the state line. While no one was killed in the accident, several crew members were injured and rushed to … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Accident, gravy, Humor, Modern Philosopher, News, Pilgrims, Sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving, train, Turkey
28 Comments
Who Dressed The Pilgrims?
Do you think The Pilgrims Always dressed Like they were going To a funeral? Maybe the reason They were Giving thanks Was because They knew a boat Would soon arrive With the new Spring fashions. Flirt with color, Plymouth Colony. … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy, Poetry
Tagged fashion, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Pilgrims, Sarcasm, satire, Thanksgiving
6 Comments
My Interview with the Last Living Survivor of the First Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers! I have a very special interview to share with you on this holiday: my chat with someone who was at the very first Thanksgiving! Why we all have so much to be thankful for, I need … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Humor
Tagged Alien blood, Humor, Interview, Modern Philosopher, Pilgrims, satire, Tansporter pods, Thanksgiving, turkey is yummy, Vampires
21 Comments
Challenge Accepted: Why I’m Thankful
I was speaking to a colleague about what I should do for a Thanksgiving Day entry on the blog, and she challenged me with: “You’re the creative one. Figure out something different.” While the Modern Philosopher’s way is to go … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Comedy, Deep Thoughts, Gobble Gobble, Happy Thanksgiving, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Pilgrims, satire, Thankful, Turkey
7 Comments
Some Thanksgiving Themed Ponderings to Exercise Your Brain
Some Turkey Day related Deep Thoughts to keep your brain pumping on this frigid November evening… Do you ever secretly wish that the Pilgrims had come from Italy so that we could have pasta and pizza for Thanksgiving dinner instead … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Comedy, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Native Americans, Pilgrims, satire, Thanksgiving, The New World
9 Comments