Tag Archives: satire

Time Traveling Turkeys

“I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and it seems that it would be in turkeys’ best interest to develop a time machine,” I announced to my Sunday guest as I fished a fresh bottle of Snapple out of … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What If The Pilgrims Had Run A 5K Instead?

Far too many Americans are fat and out of shape, Modern Philosophers. Do you know who I blame for this? The Pilgrims. Those judgmental bastards with the horrible fashion sense could have ensured that this was a nation of healthy, … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Energizer Man

I just came in from walking in a torrential downpour, Modern Philosophers. Such behavior should not surprise you by now.  After all, you don’t lose twenty percent of your body mass by not exercising on days when the weather isn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Free Food Always Helps

I don’t know what day of the week it is where you are, Modern Philosophers, but it is definitely Monday here. And it wasn’t one of those good Mondays, either. If those mythical creatures even exist. It was 20 degrees … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

First Kisses Are Hell

“Looks like you’re really making progress on your time machine,” The Devil commented as he returned the blue prints he’d been examining to the living room table. As always, my Sunday guest was dressed in an impeccably tailored suit, the … Continue reading

Posted in Dating, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Thawing The Brain Stem

It’s cold, Modern Philosophers. I don’t know why that still surprises me after fifteen years in Maine, but Snow Miser and his icy minions seem to sneak up on my every year. Just a couple of weeks ago, I went … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Windblown Ice Balls of Bitter Change

The subtitle for this post, Modern Philosophers, is: Holy $%^&, It’s Cold! Maine doesn’t really mess around much with Autumn.  Summer slowly dies off, the leaves change color, and the air gets chilly enough to force you to wear a … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments