Tag Archives: Soccer

Bloody Hell, Ireland!

Posted on June 26, 2016 by Austin

“I truly can’t believe what I witnessed here today,” The Devil said in a flabbergasted tone as he anxiously paced across the living room.  “If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I’d refuse to accept that it … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Love, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blindside Blitz From Hell

Posted on September 13, 2015 by Austin

“You’re not watching football?” The Devil asked in confusion as he entered the living room with a platter of Hell Fire Wings. I looked up from my laptop, glanced at the TV, which was was currently off, and then looked … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Time Traveler Confirms That Football Was Played At The First Thanksgiving

Posted on November 27, 2014 by Austin

I was watching the football game, which is a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition at The House on the Hill, when I was startled by a knock on the door. Since The Devil and Seamus were already watching the game with me, … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

All Soccer Matches To Begin 1-1 To Ensure No More Scoreless Ties

Posted on November 16, 2014 by Austin

Big news from the world of soccer (aka “the boring form of football”), Modern Philosophers. Realizing that more and more fans were falling asleep and/or dying of boredom during soccer matches because most of them ended in scoreless ties, FIFA … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Germany Wins World Cup; Asks For Poland Instead Of Trophy

Posted on July 13, 2014 by Austin

Germany beat Argentina tonight with a thrilling goal in extra time to win the 2014 World Cup. The Germans’ goal, scored in the second period of extra time, broke a scoreless tie and led to a final of 1-0. After … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

FIFA Eliminates Goalkeepers In Attempt To Make Soccer Exciting

Posted on June 21, 2014 by Austin

Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
Goooooooooooaaaaaaal! That’s a call very few soccer announcers ever get to make.  However, FIFA, the international governing body for soccer, took a major step towards changing that today by deciding to…

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Soccer On My TV? Another Sign Of The Robot Apocalypse!

Posted on June 16, 2014 by Austin

The Robot Apocalypse is getting closer, Modern Philosophers! I know this because I turned on the TV at The House on the Hill, and soccer was on the screen.  Soccer!  The World Cup. Clearly the work of The Machines, acting … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

4 Out Of 5 Americans Think The World Cup Is An Appetizer At Outback Steakhouse

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Austin

As people around the world gather excitedly to watch the best soccer teams in the world (plus the one from the United States) compete for The World Cup, a new study reveals that an overwhelming majority of Americans have no … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

FIFA Eliminates Goalkeepers In Attempt To Make Soccer Exciting

Posted on April 22, 2013 by Austin

Goooooooooooaaaaaaal! That’s a call very few soccer announcers ever get to make.  However, FIFA, the international governing body for soccer, took a major step towards changing that today by deciding to eliminate goalkeepers from the game.  Another attacker will be … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 66 Comments