Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

And Then I Put On My Sweatpants…

Thanksgiving is a bit anticlimactic, don’t you agree, Modern Philosophers? The entire day builds up to this enormous feast, but once you’re done eating, it feels just like any other meal.  You’re full, a bit bloated, maybe you burp a … Continue reading

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And Then I Ate My Weight In Turkey…

Happy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers! This has always been a complicated holiday for me.  It is linked to so many memories, both good and bad, usually associated with past relationships. As a result, I tend to be moody on Turkey Day.  … Continue reading

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I’m Thankful For Less Anxiety

Happy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers! In honor of the holiday, I thought I’d write a post about something for which I am thankful this year. As Turkey Day rolls around, I’m grateful that there is less anxiety in my life. It’s … Continue reading

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Giant Turkey Caravan Headed For US Border

I don’t want to be a fear monger, Modern Philosophers, but I need to warn you that there is another huge caravan headed towards the U.S. border. This one, however, is heading north through Maine on its way to Canada. … Continue reading

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Is Thanksgiving Trying To Kill Me?

Dear Modern Philosophers, I am writing to you because I have an overwhelming sense of foreboding, and if anything happens to me, I want you to be able to tell the authorities who did it. I think Thanksgiving is trying … Continue reading

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We Should Be Thankful We’re All Still Alive

We should be thankful we’re all still alive… I overheard that gem recently while shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, Modern Philosophers. Of course, it piqued my interest, so I had to listen in a little longer to see if these strangers … Continue reading

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Go Stuff Yourself

Thanksgiving time Is back again, And that can only mean One thing… You must give in To the deepest, Darkest, Highest caloric Desires of your belly. Sure, this holiday Is about gratitude. I mean, It’s right there In the name, … Continue reading

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Time Traveling Turkeys

“I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and it seems that it would be in turkeys’ best interest to develop a time machine,” I announced to my Sunday guest as I fished a fresh bottle of Snapple out of … Continue reading

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What If The Pilgrims Had Run A 5K Instead?

Far too many Americans are fat and out of shape, Modern Philosophers. Do you know who I blame for this? The Pilgrims. Those judgmental bastards with the horrible fashion sense could have ensured that this was a nation of healthy, … Continue reading

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Thanksgiving in August

Since anything can happen on vacation, Modern Philosophers, I decided to make today Thanksgiving. No, I didn’t dress up as a Pilgrim and watch football all day like I normally do on National Turkey Day, but I did make the … Continue reading

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