Tag Archives: wit

When Did My Brain Get So Fat?

Posted on August 3, 2016 by Austin

I could barely lift my head today, Modern Philosophers, because my brain had inexplicably gotten ridiculously fat. Of course, I realize it’s not normal for that particular body part to suddenly put on weight, but I know my body and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Construction Criticism

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Austin

When I’m not writing at The House on the Hill, Modern Philosophers, I am chained to a desk at an undisclosed location in the Greater Bangor Area. Not much changes in an office.  Sure, the people might come and go, … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

The Snowman Diet

Posted on January 15, 2014 by Austin

Hey, Mr. Snowman! Do you mind If I say You are Looking Really good Lately? I remember You used To be So obese, And I worried About your Health. Lately, though, I can’t help But notice That you’ve Dropped A … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Snowman Suicides Skyrocket In Maine As Warm Weather Persists

Posted on January 15, 2014 by Austin

Winter can be a depressing time for humans, Modern Philosophers, but it has proven to be much worse for snowmen in Maine. As temperatures continue to hover in the 40s, the snow and ice have virtually vanished from sight.  As … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Sorry, But Your Warranty Doesn’t Cover Gargoyle Damage

Posted on January 13, 2014 by Austin

The House on the Hill might play host to many an Otherworldly Being, Modern Philosophers, but apparently, my homeowner’s insurance does not take that into account. The roofers stopped by my home today to investigate my claim that several shingles … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Little Orphan Annie’s Career As Maine Meteorologist Is Short Lived

Posted on January 12, 2014 by Austin

Little Orphan Annie, that adorable scamp who became famous when Broadway decided to turn her depressing life story into an upbeat musical, is back to singing about the hard knock life. The now thirtysomething spitfire with the freckled face and … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I Advise You To Move Out Of Maine, Or To Just Man Up

Posted on January 12, 2014 by Austin

Dear Modern Philosopher, I have read every single one of your posts, and while you make Maine seem like a marvelous, Magical place, I can’t help but notice that the weather seems to be a real bitch and that it … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

NASA To Send Up Probe To Make Sure The Sun Is Still Out There

Posted on January 11, 2014 by Austin

NASA has finally come up with a project to keep it busy, Modern Philosophers! It was decided that the once formidable American space program would run an errand for the citizens of this great country, who are freezing off their … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

I Advise You To Be Yourself

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Austin

Dear Austin, I read your earlier post about your fear of doctors.  It caught me by surprise because you’ve never seemed nervous or anxious when you’ve had an appointment with me.  Perhaps it’s because you usually spend most of your … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments