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© Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher, 2012-2023. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Austin Hodgens and The Return of the Modern Philosopher with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Tag Archives: Zombie Apocalypse
Stay At Home Snowstorm
Remember how I told you I’ve lost track of what day it is since this whole self-isolation, stay at home, don’t go to work, just wear sweatpants all the time thing started, Modern Philosophers? Well, another issue resulting from never … Continue reading
Posted in Humor
Tagged Blizzard, coronavirus, Covid 19, Humor, Maine, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, social distancing, stay at home, Zombie Apocalypse
7 Comments
God Electrifies The Pearly Gates To Keep Out Zombies
Originally posted on The Return of the Modern Philosopher:
Apparently, Zombies don’t get to go to Heaven, Modern Philosophers. The Vatican announced today that God had electrified the Pearly Gates in order to keep out the herds of Zombies that…
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged afterlife, God, heaven, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Religion, Sarcasm, satire, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
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Zombie McPocalype! Maine Zombies Feast On Passed Out St Paddy’s Day Revelers
Happy St. Paddy’s Day from Maine’s Zombies!
Posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy
Tagged drunks, horror, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, St Patricks' Day, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
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Snowmen Honored For Their Role In Maine’s Zombie Fight
Governor Paul LePage today honored Maine’s Snowmen for their role in the fight against the state’s Zombie population. “Few people realize the important part our snowy friends play in our ongoing battle to ward off the Zombie Apocalypse,” Lori Romero, … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged heroes, Humor, Maine, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, snowmen, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Hunter, Zombies
12 Comments
Dawn Of The Beautifully Colored Dead
A surprising twist to the Fall Foliage Season in Maine, Modern Philosophers… The Zombies seem to be changing color as well to better fit in with their surroundings. “We think the Zombies are finally evolving, having been a part of … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged colors, evolution, Fall, foliage, Humor, Modern Philosopher, satire, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
26 Comments
Blizzard Of Zombies Turns Brewer Dairy Queen Into Royal Mess
It was such a hot day in Maine today, Modern Philosophers, that the Zombies were willing to trade in their usual feast of brains for an attack of brain freeze. At 12:13pm, Brewer Police responded to a frantic 911 call … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Blizzard, brain freeze, Brains, Dairy Queen, Humor, Ice Cream, Modern Philosopher, satire, scary, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
6 Comments
Zombies Census Taker: Toughest Job In Maine?
The job starts with you arming yourself, putting on your protective gear, grabbing your badge, and heading out to face diabolical individuals who want to rip you to pieces and devour your brain. You are a Maine Zombies Census Agent. … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged census, Census Bureau, Humor, Modern Philosopher, Sarcasm, satire, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
13 Comments
Zom-Be Friends, Maine’s First Zombie Social Networking Site, Slowly Shuffles To Success
Wes Campbell, the founder and CEO of Zom-Be Friends, the social networking site for Maine Zombies, stopped by The House on the Hill this morning to talk about the site’s success…and to try to tempt me into signing up for … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy
Tagged Humor, Modern Philosopher, Online Dating, satire, Social Networking, The Walking Dead, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
37 Comments
Do Zombies Dream of a White Meat Christmas???
My drive home from work is always a bit slower during the Holidays because I need to pass the Mall in order to get back to the House on the Hill. Tonight’s drive was slower than usual because a couple … Continue reading
Zombie Flash Mob “Thrills” Surprised Crowd in Downtown Bangor
Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! They seemed to materialize out of nowhere. About two dozen of them. Suddenly clogging the intersection in downtown Bangor. People on their way to work didn’t even notice them at first. They were that stealthy. This Modern … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Philosophy
Tagged Humor, Maine, Modern Philosophers, satire, The Walking Dead, Thriller, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Flash Mob, Zombies
27 Comments