Alice Calls Maine “The New Wonderland”; Queen of Hearts Pissed

Alice-in-Wonderland-1919Modern Philosophers, if you don’t live in Maine, you probably have not seen the Tourism Board’s new commercial starring Alice of “Alice in Wonderland” fame.

In the commercial, Alice tumbles through a rabbit hole and comes out on a road directly in front of a big, blue “Welcome To Maine” sign.  Intrigued, Alice enters the magical land and soon discovers what makes Maine unique.  There are beaches, lighthouses, lobster boats, bed & breakfasts, and a wide assortment of otherworldly creatures, who greet Alice and welcome her to Maine.

At the very end of the spot, Alice, while holding a giant lobster with a large Cheshire-like grin on its face, looks into the camera and declares that everyone should visit Maine, the New Wonderland.  Then Stephen King, dressed as The Mad Hatter, materializes behind her and invites her to a tea party.

Perhaps the coolest thing about the commercial is that it was written by your favorite Modern Philosopher, and that my blog was used to lure Alice from Wonderland to star in it.  Once she read the blog and realized how amazing and exciting Maine was, Alice very quickly agreed to to participate.

Queen of HeartsOf course, every success has its setbacks.    Less than a day after the commercial first aired, The Queen of Hearts was calling The House on the Hill and threatening to cut off my head.  She wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Maine calling itself Wonderland, and even less excited about the fact that Alice was the one declaring it as such.

According to her Royally Pissed Majesty, she is the Monarch of Wonderland and, therefore, the only one who gets to decide where Wonderland is, was, and shall be.  Those were her exact words, and I know them by heart because she has screamed them at me dozens of times over the course of the day.

Maine SignMayor McCheese, the candidate favored to defeat Governor LePage in next year’s Maine Gubernatorial election, has volunteered to journey to Wonderland to speak to The Queen and see what needs to be done to pacify her.  At the very least, he hopes to get her to stop harassing me with her venomous phone calls.

In the end, it was a wonderful day for me and for Maine.  All the free publicity brought about by The Queen of Hearts’ ranting and raving is only going to garner attention for the commercial and bring more tourists to Maine.

I would love a chance to meet The Queen and explain to her that I meant no offense when writing the commercial, and it was actually a nod to how incredible her kingdom is.  Then again, I really value my head, so perhaps I will allow Mayor McCheese to play diplomat while I remain safely behind in The New Wonderland.

You should all really come visit Maine sometime.  There’s no place like it in the non-literary world…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

54 Responses to Alice Calls Maine “The New Wonderland”; Queen of Hearts Pissed

  1. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    WHO SAYS PRETTY WOMEN DON’T SELL THINGS—WATCH OUT FOR THE QUEEN OF HEARTS, THOUGH!!!!!

  2. Won’t the Queen of Hearts eat up him up alive (that is, Mayor Mc Cheese?)?

  3. List of X says:

    I’m glad that Maine’s board of tourism finally noticed your hard work in promoting Maine. Though it’s kind of strange that they run the ad promoting Maine only in Maine.

  4. LucyJartz says:

    We can’t wait till July to visit Maine. That ad was really inspiring. Thank you for writing this masterpiece, Modern Philosopher!

  5. Royalty, humpf! So demanding, aren’t they?

  6. ksbeth says:

    from one queen to another – queen elizabeth l, once said, ‘One man with a head on his shoulders is worth a dozen without.’ congrats on the spot ) b

  7. We have family in NH, and I have always wanted to go a little extra north to spend a few days in Wonderland. I mean Maine. Planning it for this summer.

  8. Am thinking the Queen stars in your follow up commercial?

  9. Awesome post! Thats where my summer vacation in July is! And its in just a few weeks. So much planning right now! 🙂

  10. Pingback: Alice Calls Maine “The New Wonderland”; Queen of Hearts Pissed | Lori Hardison

  11. lorihardison says:

    AWESOME makes me want to go visit now.

  12. amb says:

    The image of Stephen King as the Mad Hatter is perfect. So appropriate!

  13. ideflex says:

    We spent every summer in Maine – I miss it…. Send the Queen of Hearts some fried clams and fresh old-fashioned doughnuts, she may forgive you!

  14. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    As the frigid Winter slowly makes me forget how much I love Maine, I thought it was time to share this post again. If only to remind this Modern Philosopher that Maine truly is a Wonderland…

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