Category Archives: Christmas

Jokes Not Ready For Late Night (Holiday Edition)

Posted on December 22, 2019 by

Christmas is almost here, Modern Philosophers!  Holiday specials are showing up on every channel, and last night, The Nite Show with Danny Cashman aired its Christmas episode. I write monologue jokes for the show, and every taping, I turn in … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Shortest Day of the Year

Posted on December 21, 2019 by

Happy Winter Solstice, Modern Philosophers! The shortest day of the year is upon us, which means things are only going to look up from here.  We’re also on Day 82 of the 182 Days of Terror, aka Winter in Maine, … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The Methodical De-Scrooging Of Austin The Grinch

Posted on December 14, 2019 by

Santa Claus was telling me the other day, Modern Philosophers, that part of the magic of Christmas is that it means something different to everyone. The big guy tends to get philosophical when the eggnog is flowing, but I had … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Chasing After Santa’s Sleigh

Posted on December 25, 2018 by

Merry Christmas, Modern Philosophers! Christmas began in the traditional way at The House on the Hill.  I ran down the stairs in search of presents, but there weren’t any. It’s not like I expected anything to be waiting for me … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Am I Santa Claus???

Posted on December 23, 2018 by

I had the craziest dream last night, Modern Philosophers. Only now, I’m not sure it was a dream.  I remained under the covers for hours this morning, replaying it in my head and thinking more and more that rather than … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Feeding The Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 22, 2018 by

The interns won’t stop pestering me about finding my Christmas Spirit, Modern Philosophers. I’d like to fire them all to get them out of my hair, but free help is so hard to find. The one with all the freckles … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

It’s A Wonderful Life To Die Hard

Posted on December 19, 2018 by

Everyone has a favorite Christmas movie, Modern Philosophers, and if you ask me mine, I’ll tell you without hesitation… It’s A Wonderful Life To Die Hard. This Christmas classic is an action flick with a heart of gold. George Bailey, … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

All I Want For Christmas Is…

Posted on December 16, 2018 by

Jack did not like going to the mall, but he especially didn’t like bring there after hours when the parking lot was empty and pitch black. He walked as quickly as he could to get to the delivery entrance of … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Dating, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

In Search Of The Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 15, 2018 by

I caught the interns trying to sneak my artificial Christmas tree out of the basement today, Modern Philosophers. When I asked them what they intended to do with it, the one with the neck tattoo said she hoped putting up … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 50 Comments

Trump Taps Burgermeister Meisterburger As His New Chief Of Staff

Posted on December 12, 2018 by

Despite the rumors that no one wanted the job, President Trump wasted very little time finding a replacement for outgoing Chief of Staff John Kelly, Modern Philosophers. According to a typo-riddled tweet sent in the wee hours of the morning, … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments