Godzilla Completes Anger Management, Wants To Apologize To Tokyo

It took him a while to get his well documented rage under control, but Godzilla has finally completed his court mandated Anger Management training, and now wants to return to Tokyo to make amends with the city and the people he literally and figuratively crushed.

Unfortunately, the people of Tokyo have made it very clear that Godzilla’s apology would be too little, too late.  The Japanese government has mobilized the military, declared a state of emergency, and mined the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Japan in an attempt to keep the monster from making it to land.  It has also issued the following statement: “Stay away, Godzilla.  We hate your ugly face, never want to see you again, and wish you had never been born, created, or whatever the hell happened to make you exist.”

This Modern Philosopher sat down with Godzilla to get his side of the story.  “Look, the people of Japan, specifically Tokyo, have every right to be mad at me,” he told me in perfect English, in a voice that was much softer than I expected.  “I destroyed their city, killed some of them, and probably knocked out the power there for a decade on my numerous rampages.”

“The thing is, I’ve changed.  I know that’s difficult to believe, but I’ve gone to therapy and I’ve seen the error of my ways.  I’ve learned that I can’t lash out and use my angry voice every time I’m upset.  I’ve developed other ways to deal with my anger, and the medications I’ve been taking really help me to stay balanced.”

Will he be able to keep his anger in check if he’s never able to apologize to the people of Tokyo face to face?  “Of course I will, but I’ll just be disappointed,” Godzilla replied as he hung his head and wiped away a giant tear.  “I hate the creature I used to be, and I would just really like a second chance.  I’m lonely and could use some friends, you know?”

I told Godzilla that he would always be welcome in Maine, but he told me that the Atlantic Ocean simply doesn’t hold a candle to the Pacific, and that he’s been away from the Far East for way too long.

Did he have any last message for my readers?  “I just want the kids out there to know that even though it looks really cool when I’m demolishing buildings and crushing cars, there’s nothing at all cool about that sort of behavior.  Avoid it at all costs.  Learn to use your words when you’re upset.  Stay in school, listen to your parents, eat your veggies, and really value your friends.”

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Does Godzilla deserve another chance with the people of Tokyo?  Can an abusive monster ever really turn over a new leaf?  Would you go to a movie to see a calm, peaceful Godzilla do comedy or try to find love?

I look forward to reading your replies.  I’ve got to tell you, though, I really felt bad for the big guy.  I’m good at reading people and creatures, and he really seems like he’s changed.

Good luck, Godzilla.  You’re welcome back at The House on the Hill any time…