Winter Olympics To Switch To Hunger Games Format If Ratings Plummet

NBC logoDid you know that the Winter Olympics started today, Modern Philosophers?

Me, neither.  I only found out because one of the interns asked to leave early so she could watch the coverage back at the dorm.

Apparently, I am not the only one who wasn’t aware that it was time to ratchet up the national pride, practice my “USA!” chant, and pretend to have an interest in things like ice dancing, curling, and ski jumping.

The International Olympic Committee announced today that if the television ratings plummet and interest in the Sochi Games deteriorates, they are ready to make some drastic changes to the Winter Olympics format.

How drastic, Modern Philosophers?

hunger games“We’re thinking of going with a format similar to The Hunger Games,” Jean Paul Vangeux, an IOC spokesperson explained to this Modern Philosopher.  “The books and movies have been tres popular, and the competition in them is much more exciting than most of what the Winter Olympics has to offer, oui?”

Oui, indeed, Jean Paul, but are they really going to have the Olympians committing murder on international television?

“That would make for amazing ratings,” he beamed in reply to my question.  “Sadly, we probably could not get the permission to let it be a full out sole survivor, no rules, kill whoever you want kind of games, but it has been discussed.  We still have four years to try to get the votes and the laws changed.  Would be greatest Winter Olympics ever, oui?”

As intriguing as that might sound to a blood lusting Frenchman, I could see where the rest of the world might have a problem with the idea.  Not all of the world, just most of it.

My sources at NBC, however, tell me that the peacock network is very excited about the concept of dividing the nations of the world into districts and letting them fight it out to the death for a gold medal and a few loaves of bread.

olympic committee“They’re salivating at the thought of the ratings,” my source told me.  “All they care about is the bottom line and using the Olympics to promote all the lousy shows in their prime time lineup.  A little blood and murder means nothing if it translates into tons of money and a sky high market share with the preferred demos.”

And here I was thinking that my biggest worry of the day was that I hadn’t realized the Olympics started today.

Apparently, the world is a lot worse off than I realized, Modern Philosophers.

Hopefully, the IOC and television networks will come to their senses and realizes that while the Winter Olympics needs a little pizzazz to bring back viewers, it doesn’t need to go all President Snow on our best athletes.

I’m sure as soon as someone points out that Archery is a Summer Olympics sport, the whole Hunger Games idea will lose some steam.

team-usa-2014For now, I am going to put on some red, white, and blue, hang out the flag, and cheer on Team USA as it competes in the 2014 Winter Olympics.

What about you, Modern Philosophers?  Are you filled with the Olympic spirit?  What’s your favorite Winter Olympics event?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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16 Responses to Winter Olympics To Switch To Hunger Games Format If Ratings Plummet

  1. barbaram says:

    From my fav. blogger. Thought it might give you a chuckle!

    Ma/xxxx

    *Barbara Moss*

  2. bafriyie says:

    I live in Canada, so that’s really all that’s been talked about for months. I think my favourite winter sport would have be hockey. The men and women’s hockey teams are bringing home the gold! Again!

  3. Love hockey in any venue….but really am amazed at all of it just based on one simple fact : if I ever tried any of it I’d end up in the ER !

  4. ksbeth says:

    i love the olympics, always a lot of drama. love the hockey and shooting/skiing events the best.

  5. jackie says:

    Vodka and bobsleds yay!

  6. You *don’t* like ice dancing?

    I only knew it was the Winter Olympics because Google told me when I loaded their page this morning. For some reason this has crept up on me…

  7. just4why says:

    I’m really interested in the new female ski jumping. I have a lot of good friends that were ski jumpers in their younger years and I even was a coach for one of my friends at Lake Placid. It only game me the connection so I could be on the hill with some great jumpers. I do like the sport with the best floor sweepers in the world too. Curling or something like that. Downhill ski racing is a favorite too.

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