Winter Olympics To Switch To Hunger Games Format If Ratings Plummet

Did you know that the Winter Olympics started today, Modern Philosophers?

Me, neither.  I only found out because one of the interns asked to leave early so she could watch the coverage back at the dorm.

Apparently, I am not the only one who wasn’t aware that it was time to ratchet up the national pride, practice my “USA!” chant, and pretend to have an interest in things like ice dancing, curling, and ski jumping.

The International Olympic Committee announced today that if the television ratings plummet and interest in the Sochi Games deteriorates, they are ready to make some drastic changes to the Winter Olympics format.

How drastic, Modern Philosophers?

“We’re thinking of going with a format similar to The Hunger Games,” Jean Paul Vangeux, an IOC spokesperson explained to this Modern Philosopher.  “The books and movies have been tres popular, and the competition in them is much more exciting than most of what the Winter Olympics has to offer, oui?”

Oui, indeed, Jean Paul, but are they really going to have the Olympians committing murder on international television?

“That would make for amazing ratings,” he beamed in reply to my question.  “Sadly, we probably could not get the permission to let it be a full out sole survivor, no rules, kill whoever you want kind of games, but it has been discussed.  We still have four years to try to get the votes and the laws changed.  Would be greatest Winter Olympics ever, oui?”

As intriguing as that might sound to a blood lusting Frenchman, I could see where the rest of the world might have a problem with the idea.  Not all of the world, just most of it.

My sources at NBC, however, tell me that the peacock network is very excited about the concept of dividing the nations of the world into districts and letting them fight it out to the death for a gold medal and a few loaves of bread.

“They’re salivating at the thought of the ratings,” my source told me.  “All they care about is the bottom line and using the Olympics to promote all the lousy shows in their prime time lineup.  A little blood and murder means nothing if it translates into tons of money and a sky high market share with the preferred demos.”

And here I was thinking that my biggest worry of the day was that I hadn’t realized the Olympics started today.

Apparently, the world is a lot worse off than I realized, Modern Philosophers.

Hopefully, the IOC and television networks will come to their senses and realizes that while the Winter Olympics needs a little pizzazz to bring back viewers, it doesn’t need to go all President Snow on our best athletes.

I’m sure as soon as someone points out that Archery is a Summer Olympics sport, the whole Hunger Games idea will lose some steam.

For now, I am going to put on some red, white, and blue, hang out the flag, and cheer on Team USA as it competes in the 2014 Winter Olympics.

What about you, Modern Philosophers?  Are you filled with the Olympic spirit?  What’s your favorite Winter Olympics event?