I’m a huge fan of the Academy Awards, Modern Philosophers, and it’s always been my dream to some day with the Oscar for Best Screenplay.
So it was really special to wake up on Academy Awards Sunday, turn on the TV, and watch a late night talk show that used one of my jokes in the monologue. It’s not an Oscar, but it was quite a thrill to witness my words being brought to life on television.
Ironically, it was a joke about the Academy Awards that earned me the spot of first joke in last night’s monologue on “The Nite Show With Danny Cashman”. Here are some of the jokes that did not make it on to the air…
The Academy Awards are tomorrow night, and many people are saying that Leonardo DiCaprio is the favorite to take home the Best Actor Oscar for his role in “The Wolf of Wall Street”. When asked what he thought of Leo’s chances, fellow nominee Matthew McConaughey replied, “Dude, I think it would be so awesome for someone to finally win for playing a Werewolf!”
Sandra Bullock is nominated for Best Actress for her role in “Gravity”. I don’t really care if she wins, just as long as her breasts continue to defy gravity…
The Maine State High School Basketball Champions will be crowned this weekend. The tournament is essentially Maine’s version of March Madness. Now that I think of it, though, Maine’s version of March Madness during a particularly harsh Winter already exists. Stephen King called it “The Shining”…
Now that it’s March, you really need to give some thought to filing your income taxes. I’d like to give you all a little tip so you don’t end up making the same mistake I did this year. Apparently, you CANNOT claim snow as a dependent even though it just sits around your property all Winter, getting in the way, being annoying, and doing absolutely nothing. Just like your kids…
Hope you got a chuckle or two out of what didn’t make it onto the cue cards. If you live in Maine, I really hope you either stayed up to watch the show, or recorded it.
The Nite Show could certainly use your support, Modern Philosophers. Why not “like” it on Facebook and post a comment about how you really loved the first joke from last night’s monologue? You can also follow the show on Twitter @TheNiteShowME. Danny would love to hear from you, even if it is to just demand that he uses more of my jokes!
I also hope these posts inspire you to keep writing. Even if the audience who finds your work doesn’t discover it on TV or at the movie theater, you’re still a writer and they are your fans.
Happy Academy Awards Sunday!
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
Thanks for a great post, Austin!!! Cher xo
Glad you enjoyed it! Too bad you couldn’t watch the show… 🙂
Right back at ya’ with Happy Academy Awards Sunday! Your creative efforts, I do find inspiring. I agree with joke #2. Do you think I could claim dust bunnies as a tax deduction? I have checked out the Nite Show on You Tube. I wondered if it would be like an updated version of “Fernwood 2 Nite” with unabashed satire and deadpan humor. It was much more laid back. Danny Cashman was no Martin Mull or Fred Willard, and that’s probably a good thing?
Danny has his own unique style. The show is moving to a much bigger and more modern theater next year, so I’m really looking forward to that!
good luck with your picks tonight and congrats on the joke )
Thanks. I’ve written a few jokes today for Twitter and shared them with Dan to use on the show’s address, too.
🙂
I like your freeze-dried humor.
HA!
You’re a genuinely funny guy, keep at it and one day you will get that screenplay award. It’s good to celebrate the little victories along the way, the lines that get picked up in shows. I liked the snow one the most. It’s March. Time for the snow to go!
Thanks for the kind words! 🙂
HAHAHA on the snow! He definitely should have used that one!
I’m glad you liked it. I was talking to him yesterday about using the rejected jokes on the show’s Twitter feed, and he liked the idea. I even wrote some more Oscar jokes, and he retweeted them on the show’s feed during the Oscar telecast…
Do you get to take credit for this in any way? Do they pay you for jokes they use?
The show’s budget is very tiny, so I’m doing it more for the experience and what I can put on my resume!
Funny. The Sandra Bullock joke was a little tacky, but the others were spot on.
It’s an late not talk show aimed at adults. You need some tacky… 😉
True.