Banking On A No Interest Pick Up Line

short story, flash fiction, pick up lines, humor, Modern PhilosopherJune was just minding her own business, filling out a deposit slip, when the guy approached her.

She was an attractive woman, so this was not the first time a stranger had tried to strike up a conversation, but she’d thought she was safe from that in a bank.

After all, banks aren’t exactly conducive to pick up lines.

However, this guy seemed intent on giving it a go, much to June’s chagrin.

“How many people would you use to rob this bank?” he asked and then flashed her the most charming smile in his arsenal.

“Excuse me?” June asked as she raised an eyebrow.  She’d heard many pick up lines in her life, but this one was totally out of left field.

“What do you think?” he continued as if it were the sanest conversation to have with a total stranger.  “One to watch the door and the guard.  Two for crowd control.  Then two more to get the money from the tellers.  Does that sound right to you?  Of course, you need one more person outside in the getaway vehicle, so that’s six total.  After you split the take six ways, is it really worth the risk and effort?”

June stared at him blankly, then decided he might go away sooner if she just answered him and then politely shot him down.

short story, flash fiction, pick up lines, humor, Modern Philosopher“I’m not sure why you’re asking me because I’m no expert on the subject,” she replied, “but my guess would be it’s better to have a smaller take and get away clean, then to get caught because you were too cheap to hire enough contractors for the job.”

Jane smiled.  It really was a beautiful smile, and the guy had no choice but to smile in return.

“You got me,” he chuckled.  “I’m not really a bank robber.  I saw you, and I know a bank isn’t the kind of place one normally approaches a stranger to strike up a conversation, but I had to give it a shot.  I’m Dave.”

“Hi, Dave,” June greeted him, but not too warmly.  “I’m Maureen.  I applaud your efforts, but I’m seeing someone.”

June went back to her deposit slip, hoping he’d get the message and flutter off, but damn was old Dave persistent.

“I knew I should have gone with my first idea, which was to welcome you to the bank and ask you if you were interested in a free sample,” he continued even though June really wished he wouldn’t.  “Then I was going to explain we had fives, tens, and twenties…”

June looked back up at him.  This time, her eyes were a little colder, and there was absolutely no sign of her beautiful smile.

“And I still would have told you I wasn’t interested,” she explained with the tone of a woman who expected to not have to repeat herself.  “Now if you don’t mind…”

short story, flash fiction, pick up lines, humor, Modern PhilosopherHe held up his hands in surrender, and slowly backed away.

June pretended that her deposit slip was the most fascinating document in history until she was certain he was gone.

Then she crumpled up the slip, tossed it into the trash slot, and made a beeline for the door.  She never looked back to see if he was watching.

As soon as she was outside, a car pulled up to the curb.  June headed straight for it, and walked around to the passenger side.

Once she was settled, the driver asked her, “So is it a go?”

June shook her head emphatically.  “No, this isn’t the one.  There might actually be another crew casing the place.”

The driver shrugged.  “No big deal.  This city is full of banks we haven’t robbed yet.”

June nodded her agreement, and he eased the car out into traffic, as they set out to find a new target.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Banking On A No Interest Pick Up Line

  1. That twist really was superb.

  2. Fitz says:

    Not clever but true..on a Saturday a pretty good looking guy came into a bank at the open
    The banker, a single woman, noticed the stud, and before she could get the nerve he walked out without service. Maybe 90 mins later he walked in again and got on line. She finished with her client and walked up to the line where he was first. She was just about to make her “move” when the teller said next…her luck was terrible!! The stud went to the window, did his transaction and left. She was left standing at the client line feeling lonely when the teller hit the alarm. The stud had written a note and put a gun on the counter, and the teller gave up whatever is standard in the drawer (a few thousand i think). To add insult to injury the cameras take a lot of pics from so many angles that after FBI showed (and she of course omitted the fact that she was about to jump his bones,) they reviewed the film and started to think she was in on it!!
    She also agrees that romance is tough to start at the bank!

  3. Great twist there! 😀

  4. markbialczak says:

    Great to see your mind is still full, Austin.

  5. Austin, its great to see you posting a short fiction piece here. I guess that means you’ve got your scripts pinned down pretty well!

    • Austin says:

      Thanks. Yes, the scripts are finished. Now I’m dying of frustration as I wait and wait and wait to hear back from the producer. Still waiting…

  6. AAristizabal says:

    Cool! Great story!

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