Rolling Stone Promises Santa Claus Cover For Next Issue

Rolling Stone, the music magazine which is currently raising eyebrows and ire across the country because of the choice of cover subject for its recent issue, has promised the world that its next issue will be far less controversial.

“We’re going to put Santa Claus on the cover,” one Rolling Stone executive promised this Modern Philosopher in a frustrated early morning phone call.  “We’re going to get the biggest, jolliest, merriest person we can find and hope that tells the world we’re not a bunch of bastards.”

This Modern Philosopher is not even going to justify the mag’s current choice of cover model by mentioning who it is.  All I can say is that I never know or really care who graces the front of that magazine, but by early last evening, I was well aware of it as the social media was burning up with the news.

“I said put another sexy blonde singer on the cover,” my source continued as his voice grew more frantic on the other end of the call.  “No one ever gets pissed when you put a hot, half naked chick on the cover.  I said if you want to get controversial, put a rapper on there, maybe give him a gun.  But this?  This was insane!”

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” was Santa’s jolly response when I called to ask him if he’d take the gig as Rolling Stone’s next cover boy.  “I’d have to think about it since I’m having so much fun enjoying my retirement.  Do those folks really think a move like this is enough to get them off the Naughty list?  They’re kidding themselves if they do, Austin!”

Apparently, the decision makers at Rolling Stone don’t read my blog.  If they did, they’d know that Santa Claus had retired to a life in Maine last month.  Just further proof that no one at the magazine has a finger on the pulse of American culture any longer.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did Rolling Stone screw the pooch with their latest cover choice?  Would putting Santa Claus on the cover make up for it?  Who would you put on the cover if you ran that magazine?