Tuesday, Feeling Insignificant, Runs Away; Other Days Of The Week Quite Worried

Happy TuesdayGoodbye, Moody Tuesday…

The Calendar Commission definitely has a problem on its hands.  This Modern Philosopher has learned that Tuesday, the day of the week that bridges Monday and Wednesday, has disappeared without a trace.

While the Commission is not willing to make an official public statement at this time, multiple sources within the organization have confirmed that the day has run away.

What could have caused this to happen?

“She was very distraught about the popularity of the other days, and I guess all the hoopla over Friday the 13th finally caused her to snap,” explained Wednesday, who is closest to Tuesday not only on the calendar, but as a friend.  “She was very concerned about the fact that she was the only day of the week without a real hook…”

tuesdayI asked Wednesday if he could better explain what he meant by the term “hook”.

“Monday is like the Black Sheep of the week,” he began.  “Everyone hates Monday.  He’s the villain, the archenemy.  He’s also the day of week on which many holidays fall, making him the back end of long weekends.  Who doesn’t love a long weekend?”

“I’ve been lucky enough to have been blessed with the whole Hump Day monicker,” Wednesday continued, as if embarrassed by his fame.  “Sure, there are all the dirty jokes linked to it, but it gets my name out there.  And that new Geico Hump Day commercial with the camel has really made me go viral.  I know Tuesday tried to act like she was happy for me, but I could tell my popularity was eating her up inside.”

Hooray!What about Thursday?  There’s nothing major associated with that day, right?  Wednesday shook his head.  “Thanksgiving,” he told me curtly.  “Biggest family holiday of the year.  Great history and tradition.  Truth be told, Thursday gets by all year on the strength of Thanksgiving leftovers.”

“Do I even need to explain why everyone loves Fridays?” Wednesday asked rhetorically.  “Saturday and Sunday are celebrities, superheroes, weekly royalty.”

So Tuesday was feeling insignificant and maybe even overwhelmed by her own lack of notoriety?  I supposed days of the week have the same issues as the rest of us.

mardi partyBut what about Mardi Gras?  That’s always on a Tuesday?  “We tried that,” Monday explained having joined the conversation.  “I told her that Mardi Gras was a day unlike any other because it made her famous in another language.  There’s no other day of the week that gets a holiday with its name in French.  I thought for sure that would make her feel unique and life her spirits.”

Why didn’t it work?  Monday looked over at Wednesday, who just hung his head sadly.  “She yelled at me that Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday, and she was humiliated that there was a holiday where people celebrated her weight issues.”

Poor Tuesday.  It all makes sense now.  Sometimes, even this Modern Philosopher feels like he is overshadowed those around him, or that the rest of the world is just laughing at him.  I understand your pain.

Scrabble TuesdayTuesday, if you’re out there somewhere reading this blog post, we want you to know that we love you and want you to come back.  Our weeks would not be the same without you.  You’re the day that lets us recover from the horrors of Monday, and helps us to switch gears to enjoy Hump Day.  Without you, we’d be lost.

Please come back.  We need you.  We miss you.  We value you.  We worry about you.

If anyone out there has seen Tuesday, please contact The Calendar Commission immediately at 800-126-6684 (800-12 MONTH).   I’m sure there will be a reward.

Moody Tuesday, still I’m gonna miss you…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Tuesday, Feeling Insignificant, Runs Away; Other Days Of The Week Quite Worried

  1. The Moody Blues can bring it back. 🙂

  2. Ashana M says:

    No, Tuesday has got it all wrong. Tuesday is actually the best day of the week. You’re still refreshed from the weekend and not worn out the way you get by Thursday, but you’re over the hard shock of having to get up early and face a day at work the way you had to on Monday. No, Tuesday is the day you can be at your most productive and clearheaded. Tuesday is a joy.

  3. floridaborne says:

    Susan Weld took the first name “Tuesday.” Once in a while Christmas falls on a Tuesday. Two good reasons that Tuesday should just suck it up.

  4. Ezekiel Fish says:

    The effort made by Tuesday is immense.

    However, if it were not for Mondays, Tuesday would most probably abandon itself to tea and orgies.

  5. iamfunny2 says:

    I say we start a Topless Tuesday movement to compliment Wednesday’s Hump Day. Maybe that could get Tuesday some recognition.

  6. ksbeth says:

    very funny and well written post, austin. p.s. i feel for sunday as people are quite often pissed off at it for no reason other than it reminds them that monday is coming soon, not really its fault –

  7. Pingback: Tuesday Cracks Under The Pressure Of Following A Long Weekend | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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