FIFA Eliminates Goalkeepers In Attempt To Make Soccer Exciting

Thought it would be fun to re-post this since the world seems to be suffering from World Cup Fever, and I might be the only one immune…

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

South Africa Soccer WCup Final Netherlands SpainGoooooooooooaaaaaaal!

That’s a call very few soccer announcers ever get to make.  However, FIFA, the international governing body for soccer, took a major step towards changing that today by deciding to eliminate goalkeepers from the game.  Another attacker will be added in the keeper’s place in an attempt to add more scoring to the game.

While soccer is referred to by many as the most popular sport in the world, it really is quite boring.  More importantly, Americans don’t like it and that means it can’t truly be considered the most popular sport in the world.

0-0-scoreboard“90% of all soccer games played across the world last year ended in scoreless ties,” Juan Mercado, a FIFA spokesman, told this Modern Philosopher.  “We are hoping that by getting rid of the goalies, our masterful players will finally be able to put that tiny ball into the enormous net.”

Americans agree that soccer…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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