Clinton Slams Presidents Day As Sexist

Clinton Slams Presidents Day As Racist | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherDespite the fact that it was Presidents Day, Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was hard at work on the campaign trail, Modern Philosophers.

Perhaps it was the fact that she was trounced by Bernie Sanders in the New Hampshire Primary, or maybe it was because potential voters seemed to be more focused on her husband, but Hillary was not in a good mood.

And she eventually lashed out, much to the delight of the press, who had been dealing with a slow news day.

“Presidents Day is a sexist holiday!” Clinton declared to the throng gathered outside a diner.  “What other day of the year do we only celebrate members of one sex?  And is it any surprise that the males are the ones being singled out for praise?”

Apparently, the former Secretary of State has never heard of Mother’s Day.

“I’m sick of this great nation being so openly misogynistic,” she continued even though not many people appeared to be listening.  “You have my promise that once I am elected President, the first thing I plan to do, after exiling Donald Trump to a nation in the former Soviet Union where he truly belongs, is to remove Presidents Day from the calendar!”

Does she really expect us to believe that exiling Trump is possible, or that the first thing on her agenda isn’t to remove the urinal from the Oval Office’s private bathroom?

Clinton Slams Presidents Day As Racist | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherWhen asked to comment on his wife’s statement, Former President Bill Clinton remarked, “I agree with Hillary.  I think Presidents Day is extremely sexy.  I mean, it’s a holiday that honors me and only a few other great people.  What isn’t sexy about that?”

Hillary tried to correct Bill by shouting, “Sexist, Bill. Sexist!” over the squealing throng of Presidents Day groupies begging for his autograph.

President Clinton replied, “Sex is what, baby?  I can’t hear ya.  All these lovely young ladies are screaming my name.  Isn’t it great that I’m still so wildly popular in this state?”

Mrs. Clinton retreated into the diner, where the unlucky reporters who drew the short straw followed her and had to stop hanging out with her exponentially more charming and interesting husband.

“This is why I am going to become the first female President of the United States,” she told reporters after she changed her mind five times while ordering lunch.

“I don’t want to see young women throwing themselves at a handsome man simply because they’ve been led to believe that charisma, wit, and a welcoming smile are all you need to get ahead in this world.”

Clinton Slams Presidents Day As Racist | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherPerhaps if Hillary had charisma, wit, and a welcoming smile, she might at least get ahead of an angry, tattered looking old man in the polls.

Sensing that she was once again losing her audience, Clinton tried to change the subject to her plans for America’s future, but it was too late.

No matter what ridiculous thing Donald Trump said today, nothing was going to top accusing a holiday of being sexist.

Finally, Hillary had proven that she could beat the Republican front runner head to head.

Happy Presidents Day!  I don’t think it would be at all sexist if you decided to follow me on Pinterest…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Clinton Slams Presidents Day As Sexist

  1. The Cutter says:

    Never change, Slick Willie!

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