My Christmas Stocking Is Longer Than Yours

Christmas, Christmas stocking, Christmas poetry, size doesn't matter, double entendres, sexual innuendo, poetry, poem, humor, Modern PhilosopherChristmas

Is almost here,

So I think

We finally need

To talk

About your issue

With the size

Of my stocking.

I know

It bothers you

That my stocking

Is much longer

Than yours,

But you can’t

Blame me

For something

That’s not at all

My fault.

This is the stocking

Santa gave me.

It’s not like

I had any choice

In the matter.

I just woke up

One Christmas

And there it was,


By the fire,


An enormous shadow,

And dwarfing

Your stocking

By comparison.

Size doesn’t matter,

At least

That’s what I’ve heard

Around the Christmas tree.

It’s what you do

With your stocking

That actually counts.

Just because mine

Is so much longer,

Doesn’t mean

It brings me

Any more pleasure

Than your stocking

Brings you.

Sure, it might take

More time

To properly

Stuff my stocking,

And maybe

My stocking

Lasts longer

Because of its size,

But how big

Of a stocking

Do you really need

To be satisfied?


Christmas is all

About giving.

So if you’re selfish

With your stocking,

And never share it

With anyone,

What does it matter

How long it is?

If you’re just

Going to stay

Locked away

In your room,

Enjoying your stocking

On your own,

It’s probably better

Than mine is longer.

Because I plan to share

My Christmas stocking

And spread

Plenty of joy

This holiday season.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Humor, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to My Christmas Stocking Is Longer Than Yours

  1. You know, as a knitter, I know ways to reshape and extend someone’s stocking a bit. I should start spamming people.

  2. grannyK says:


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